In Loving Memory of Mom

"And the LORD came down upon Mount Sinai, to the top of the mountain; and the LORD called Moses to the top of the mountain, and Moses went up." Exodus 19:20

On this day, three years ago, the LORD called my mom to the top of the mountain, and she went up...

This day brings back the somber memories of my mom's last months. She died a very slow and painful death. But not after many miracles along the way, and a heroic display of courage and faith on the part of my mom.

Lucy was born to a middle-class Mexican-American family in the south central region of Texas. She displayed a deep mature faith at a very early age, and many in her family and in her town came to recognize her for her virtue and charity.

She met my dad while praying at the altar rail of the local Catholic Church. Total opposites, the two wed a few months later. From their union, 7 children were born. I am the youngest.

From the very beginning, she set out to raise her children with God. You can say that my first experiences that I remember were centered on my mom, teaching us about the Faith, taking us to Daily Mass, teaching us right from wrong. But my mom not only spoke the truth, she lived the truth. God blessed her with the grace to love others unconditionally. I was always in awe of her response to the everyday problems and blessings. My mom always opened her door to neighbors when they came knocking. Most of the time, they came for advice, for help of some kind. And she was always willing to be there for them, regardless of who they were, or how they treated her.

My mom never thought of herself. When she died, she had very few possessions. Most of her life was spent serving others and giving to others that which she refused to keep for herself. She loved her children more than her own life. She sacrificed a great deal for her husband and her family.

She taught me how to love, how to really love, not with just words, but with action. She taught me to live this life in light of eternity---to recognize that this material world we live, with it's everyday problems and dealings is so very temporary, and we should be living with our eyes set on Paradise.

When mom became ill, I left the convent in order to spend 24/7 with her in her illness. I never left her side. Day in and day out, I was there. Doctors and nurses urged me to get out more. But I absolutely refused. I would not leave this woman for anything. She was my whole life.

When she passed away, a slow and solemn stream of doctors and nurses shuffled along to her bedside to pay their respects. I was amazed at their reaction to her death. The hospital had gotten to know us as we had been there for 7 months. One doctor approached me and said, "You should be commended. Never have we ever witnessed a family that would not leave their loved ones side. You stuck by her and you helped us to realize her life was very precious and could not just be let go." I shook my head "NO!" I said to this doctor and all who were in the room with my mom, "What you have witnessed is indicative of who my mom is. We stood by her side, because she never left ours throughout our life. We stood by her side because she deserved to be loved and cared for until her last breath. It is not us who should be commended, but this beautiful woman who lies in rest here."

Thank you Mom, you did your God-given duties. I'm sure He was very pleased with you.

Until He calls me up to the mountain to join you, I'll be thinking of you, missing you, and praying...

I love you with all my heart. Rest in Peace, mama.

Have Faith, Believe!

"Free your mind from all that troubles you, God will take care of things. You will be unable to make haste in this (choice) without, so to speak, grieving the heart of God, because He sees that you do not honor Him sufficiently with holy trust. Trust in Him, I beg you, and you will have the fulfillment of what your heart desires."

-- St Vincent de Paul

Yesterday, July 14th, was the feast day of Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha, the Native American who converted to Catholicism (and suffered much for it.) Suffering is not something that God wished for us humans to endure, it came into the world through sin. But I have realized that suffering is an essential part of the Christian journey... suffering, which can easily destroy us, can also make us stronger...

How often have you come to the brink of despair... only to find yourself lifted up and victorious? It is as if, God allowed you to scrape the very bottom, only so that you can realize how very small you are, and need only depend on Him. And when you are finished with one conflict...do you look back and say to yourself, it would have been better for you to never have suffered? Or has the experience left you even more enobled, armed and ready for the conflicts that lay ahead?

St. Teresa of Avila declared it well when she said, "All things will pass, but God alone remains..."

The readings of the Mass for the feast of Bl. Kateri, made a strong impression on me, as I have always lived most of my life in anxiety and fear and worry... In the readings, we get a sense that God is in total control of the journey, and there is really not much we humans can do to shape and form the direction of our lives... the only thing that is asked for us, and that we must do... is to have Faith and Trust in God, because when we fail to have this, we don't make Him very happy... in fact, the only times we witness Jesus disturbed and upset, was when He encountered people with little faith...

I have been slow to learn it... but I see it... trusting in Him, I have found my prayers answered almost immediately. And if the answer is "No," I have found myself better at accepting it...

How wonderful is this grace called Faith... for when you truly believe that God can... God will...

Just wanted to share with you these thoughts...

Rest In Peace, dear brother!

Today marks the 45th birthday of my late brother John.  He snuffed out his life at the young age of 29 in a horrific motorcycle accident.  

It's been a little more than 15 years since I lost him, but the pain persists, and my heart aches now as it did the moment I heard the news...

I can't help but think how different life would have been had he been able to persevere through the turbulence in his life.  How different would life had been had he survived, and I would not have had to live the rest of my life having to endure his incredible aching absence...

John, I am praying for you, and I trust that Our Lady got you home... the daily Rosary insists that She will be with us at the  hour of our deaths... 

I hope to see you again my dear sweet brother!!!

Please say a prayer for the repose of his soul...

Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity

Today the Church celebrates God.  This sounds kind of funny, because we ALWAYS celebrate God!  But today is the Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.   It is a day of meditation and reflection on the Mystery of Three Divine Persons in One God.  This mystery has baffled the most intelligent minds in man's history.  As much as mankind has tried to explain this dogma of belief, our words come up short.  The Holy Trinity will always be a Mystery, one that our mortal minds cannot grasp.  

My take on this, is that we should only realize one thing:

God is Love.  And only Love makes us happy.

God is Love!

John 15: 9 - 17

---

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you; abide in my love.  If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love.  These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.  "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.  Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you.  No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.  You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide; so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.  This I command you, to love one another.


Today's Gospel expresses what is in my heart.  My desire for consecration to God.  I heard a calling to love back when I was in the convent, and this love is from God.  I pray that I never fail this love.  I pray that I love  God as I should and I always share that love which comes from God...

Today I went to confession with Fr. Jonathan.  He told me that as I get closer to God, as I continue to grow spiritually, I am reaching into the deepest parts of my soul.  He said, it is in these depths where I will experience a rich and profound beauty I have not yet witnessed. But, he warned, in these deep parts of the soul, I will see the fullness of my fallen nature as well.  It will "horrify" me.  He told me that the Blessed Mother is a "powerful intercessor" and I need to go to her to be able to deal with this...

We all have the capability to reach God where He dwells.  Fr. Jonathan says we all share in the "school of inner greatness."  God is present to us, inside of us...inside our souls.  We are never abandoned by God.  We abandon Him when we sin, but He will never abandon us...

When I received Our Lord today, I felt as if He was telling me to worship Him in this Holy Communion, not as on the outside of me, but within...  IT is hard to grasp the awesome union we enjoy with Jesus when we receive His Flesh and Blood inside us...

Jesus also reminded me that HE WANTS UNION with me even more so than I do with Him!  Our Saviour IS LOVE!!!

The Anniversary of my First Holy Communion

It was 31 years ago today that I first tasted the Sweetness of Our Lord! The Most Holy Eucharist is the Source and Summit of our lives as Catholics. Without Him, we would hunger and thirst, we would die of starvation.

I have tried my very best to have always received Him worthily, and never lacking appreciation. I don't take Him for granted.

I highly recommend reading the Encyclical of Pope John Paul II titled, "Ecclesia de Eucharistia"
http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/special_features/encyclicals/documents/hf_jp-ii_enc_20030417_ecclesia_eucharistia_en.html

What I find so remarkable, is how the Holy Eucharist is prophesied in the Old Testament, and is clearly defined in the New. How can others dismiss this gift of Our Lord Jesus?

In Luke 24: 13-35, we read that two disciples unknowingly meet Jesus on their way to Emmaus. Their hearts burn as Jesus explains to them in detail the Holy Scriptures regarding the Prophesy of the Messiah. BUT, it wasn't until the breaking of the bread, were their eyes opened and they recognized Him! So, it isn't only with the Holy Scriptures will we be nourished, but really and truly to FEAST on the Flesh and Blood of Christ who is the Holy Eucharist! It is in the Bread, which St. Paul says is "real Food" and the Wine, which St. Paul says is "real Drink" that we come to know Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour!

Here are a few quotes for meditation on the Most Holy Eucharist:


"If we but paused for a moment to consider attentively what takes place in this Sacrament, I am sure that the thought of Christ's love for us would transform the coldness of our hearts into a fire of love and gratitude."

- St. Angela of Foligno

"What wonderful majesty! What stupendous condescension! O sublime humility! That the Lord of the whole universe, God and the Son of God, should humble Himself like this under the form of a little bread, for our salvation"

"...In this world I cannot see the Most High Son of God with my own eyes, except for His Most Holy Body and Blood."

- St. Francis of Assisi

I hunger for the bread of God, the flesh of Jesus Christ ...; I long to drink of his blood, the gift of unending love.

- St. Ignatius of Antioch

"How many of you say: I should like to see His face, His garments, His shoes. You do see Him, you touch Him, you eat Him. He gives Himself to you, not only that you may see Him, but also to be your food and nourishment."

- St. John Chrysostom

And finally:


"Jesus said to them, "Amen, amen, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you do not have life within you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him. Just as the living Father sent me and I have life because of the Father, so also the one who feeds on me will have life because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Unlike your ancestors who ate and still died, whoever eats this bread will live forever." ---John 6:53

The Words of Jesus Christ Himself proclaim that HE is the Holy Eucharist!

Long Live Christ the King in my heart and soul forever!

The Good Shepherd

John 10: 11-18
"I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd lays down His life for the sheep. He who is a hireling and not a shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees; and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hireling and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the Good Shepherd; I know my own and my own know me, as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. And I have other sheep, that are not of this fold; I must bring them also, and they will heed my voice. So there shall be one flock, one shepherd. For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life, that I may take it again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again; this charge I have received from my Father."

The Jews knew exactly what the Lord was saying when He first mentioned these words over 2,000 years ago. The Jewish shepherds were a heroic lot. They would literally put their lives on the line for their sheep. Each shepherd would own about 100 sheep. They had a close bond with their sheep. The sheep knew only their shepherd and his voice alone. They would not follow anyone else. In the nightwatch, shepherds would combine their flocks into one area, surrounded by a stone wall. Then, each shepherd took turns watching throughout the night. There was not a gate to these fenced in areas. The shepherd was literally the gate. He would set his body to block the opening, so that no sheep would escape, nor would any wild animal come in. So, the shepherd had to stand guard and make sure the wolves would not come in. This is why it was a dangerous job, the nightwatch. Some probably lost their lives protecting their sheep.

When the morning came, and the shepherds would come to collect their sheep for grazing, they called their sheep, and only those belonging to that shepherd would come to him. There was no fear of losing sheep, because each knew their own.

The Lord Jesus' words in today's Gospel is His proclamation for His love for each one of us. We share an intimacy with the Lord. He knows us. He guards us and guides us. Are we following Him as good sheep? Or do we act like the bad ones, and go off into the wilderness and get lost? And then, instead of returning to Him quickly, or setting out to look for Him, we stay in our dark places and pout and cry? It doesn't matter what we do, because He always comes around searching for us, never giving up on us. WE are so fortunate to have such a God that loves as He loves!

I tend to whine and pout and get depressed about the life I'm living today. I had dreams, desires to become consecrated to Jesus in the religious life. I wanted to be a Dominican Sister. In the end, I decided to return home from the convent, to care for my ailing mother, and my disabled brother. My mother died shortly after my return. This devastated me. And my poor brother is sinking deeper into his own destructive behavior and declining mental health. Instead of my care and concern, I find myself aggravated by him, and his lack of appreciation. This sounds cruel of me, but I can't help it sometimes. I just feel sorry for myself. I find myself asking, "Is this all there is?" I complain about my job, my lack of friends, my lack of time for myself, my lack of privacy, my lack of my own place, my own dreams. My lack of fulfilment.

I take these complaints to my spiritual director all the time. I am surprised he doesn't grow weary of me. Two weeks ago, he told me I needed to rejuvenate my relationship with the Holy Spirit. He suggested a novena. I decided on this one: http://www.catholicdoors.com/prayers/novenas/p00012.htm

I prayed this novena. And as the week continued, I found myself thinking of thoughts that made my life make more sense. I found myself ashamed of my complaints. I found myself willlingly doing more for my brother, and having time, not for myself, but for God. For prayer. For daily Mass. For time to be alone with God. My mind seemed to open up and see things more clearly. And today, at Mass, I found tears streaming down my face, because the Lord awoke in me a point of view I had not had of myself. I found Him telling me, that I too, am a good shepherd, in that I have laid my life aside first for my mother, and now for my brother. I found the Lord telling me during Mass, that I was actively participating in the life He had chosen for me. I was to be an imitation, a reflection of the Love of the Good Shepherd.

I felt as if all this came to me by the Power of the Holy Spirit. He never does things too quietly in my life! It's always so dramatic! :)

I am not sharing this to glorify myself. I am sharing it for the glory of God! Anyone reading this, I want you to reflect and see if you are a living reflection of the Good Shepherd. WE all can become "good shepherds" in our own lives.

Pope Benedict XVI also shares in this belief, that we all can become "good shepherds." Here is a beautiful piece that I read in my Magnificat today, and which seemed to confirm what the Lord was telling me during Mass:

"Saint Peter, whom the Risen Lord charged to tend his sheep, to become a shepherd with him and for him, described Jesus as the "archipoimen"-"Chief Shepherd" (see 1 Pt 5:4), and by this he meant that it is only possible to be a shepherd of the flock of Jesus Christ through him and in very close communion with him. The Lord tells us three things about the true shepherd: he gives his own life for his sheep; he knows them and they know him; he is at the service of unity. The shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The mystery of the cross is at the center of Jesus' service as a shepherd: it is the great service that he renders to all of us. He gives himself and not only in a distant past. In the Holy Eucharist he does so every day...Day after day it is necessary to learn that I do not possess my life for myself. Day by day I must learn to abandon myself; to keep myself available for whatever he, the Lord, needs of me at a given moment, even if other things seem more appealing and more important to me: it means giving life, not taking it. It is in this very way that we experience freedom: freedom from ourselves, the vastness of being. In this very way, by being useful, in being a person whom the world needs, our life becomes important and beautiful. Only those who give up their own life find it. Let us entrust ourselves to Jesus the True Shepherd."