New Year's Resolution 2010

“Therefore, stay awake, for you know neither the day nor the hour.”Mt. 25:30

Okay, you may find it odd that I'm already blogging about New Year's and we have Christmas just days away! But I have this on my mind, and I thought I would share it with you.

Well, in a few weeks time, we will be saying goodbye to the first decade of the Millenium and enter into the second. (Maybe not technically, but that's the way I see it!)

This New Year’s has me thinking about my own mortality. (And no, it isn't because of all that ridiculous hype about 2012!) Call me morbid, but Bobby and I used to tell each other back in the days of our youth that we couldn’t possibly live past our 30’s….and here I am on the verge of becoming 39! I can’t believe I’ve lasted this long…LORD, after all I’ve been through…who would’ve told me my heart could take it all and still survive? But I know it’s ‘cos You are keeping me alive…for today…and I won’t think about tomorrow…that’s what I’m supposed to do, right?

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last

I think You want me to be joyful…so…I’ve decided my one resolution is to be joyful for love of You…keep things positive…no matter what happens…I’m gonna be happy…this will be a tough resolution to keep, ‘cos You know me, Jesus. You know how I am…this will be an offering of great proportion…and only You can measure it…

…I don’t know how much longer You will keep me here, I mean, who does know? But there’s something that I want before I go…I want to be able to look back on my life and say that I really, really loved…not just with mere words or on the surface…but to really love as I should have loved…

I don’t want to look back on my life and regret not doing all I could have possibly done…I just don’t want to live the rest of my days going through the motions…

And Lord, give me courage, because …the reality is…I’m often afraid of the many things you know about! All of those things scare me to death! And I feel like I’m falling apart sometimes…and I don’t want to go through that again…

Yet, the very grace I ask for is the very thing that brings me so much pain…

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me

I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

I don’t know…Jesus…sometimes I feel that no one else can possibly fathom what I’ve been through, and all that I’ve seen…all that You have given me, I ponder in my heart…but to share it is not possible…and I feel so alone sometimes…

…when things get like that, Lord, come to my assistance! Make haste to help me! It is in that time that the temptations come…and oh…how I need YOU!

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

I just want my life to mean something…I just want my life to be for You…for Your Glory…and for however long You want me here…Lord, I’m Yours…

lyrics to "Savior Please" by Josh Wilson

LIVESTRONG

http://austin09.livestrong.org/dominicansoul

I am participating in the LIVESTRONG Challenge in Austin, Texas on October 24th to benefit the Lance Armstrong Foundation. In the spring of 2008, my cousin David lost his battle with gastric carcinoma. He was only 47 years old. David worked as a male nurse in the health industry. He himself cared for those with cancer, and for all patients in need of daily care. It was a great shock to him and his family when he was diagnosed in the Fall of 2007. His cancer was ruthless. It began to spread very quickly. Tumors formed in his digestive tract, making it very difficult for his body to go through the digestive process. I saw David on his sick bed one afternoon. I was shocked at the trauma the cancer was causing to his body. David had been a very fit, strong, muscular young man, and very handsome to behold. But at this moment, he looked like a total stranger. His face was emaciated, and his frame was very thin. His breathing was difficult and he found himself in great pain. His cancer had become terminal. David didn't win his battle. He died in less than 5 months after his first diagnosis. He left behind two sons, and a family that loved him. This year, it is estimated that 12 million people worldwide will be diagnosed with cancer, that 1.3 million of those will be Americans, and that more than 560,000 Americans will die due to this disease. Throughout the world, numbers suggest that as many as 8 million people will die after their cancer diagnosis. It does not have to be a death sentence. Although there is no cure, progress has been made and it is vital that we continue to work, to fight, toward beating this disease. It is time that we make a commitment to close the gap between what we know and what we do. If you have been affected by cancer, or you care about this cause, please consider donating toward my fundraising goal. You can donate online at http://austin09.livestrong.org/dominicansoul. You may also make a contribution via check. Please visit my site and print a copy of the Offline Donation Form (a link to the form is located directly under the thermometer on my page) and mail your check and donation form to the address on the form. Thank you in advance for your support. Together, we can make a difference in the fight against cancer. Sincerely,

Pray for me

To all who come by and read this blog, whether by accident, or because you know it's here...

please pray for me...

In Loving Memory of Mom

"And the LORD came down upon Mount Sinai, to the top of the mountain; and the LORD called Moses to the top of the mountain, and Moses went up." Exodus 19:20

On this day, three years ago, the LORD called my mom to the top of the mountain, and she went up...

This day brings back the somber memories of my mom's last months. She died a very slow and painful death. But not after many miracles along the way, and a heroic display of courage and faith on the part of my mom.

Lucy was born to a middle-class Mexican-American family in the south central region of Texas. She displayed a deep mature faith at a very early age, and many in her family and in her town came to recognize her for her virtue and charity.

She met my dad while praying at the altar rail of the local Catholic Church. Total opposites, the two wed a few months later. From their union, 7 children were born. I am the youngest.

From the very beginning, she set out to raise her children with God. You can say that my first experiences that I remember were centered on my mom, teaching us about the Faith, taking us to Daily Mass, teaching us right from wrong. But my mom not only spoke the truth, she lived the truth. God blessed her with the grace to love others unconditionally. I was always in awe of her response to the everyday problems and blessings. My mom always opened her door to neighbors when they came knocking. Most of the time, they came for advice, for help of some kind. And she was always willing to be there for them, regardless of who they were, or how they treated her.

My mom never thought of herself. When she died, she had very few possessions. Most of her life was spent serving others and giving to others that which she refused to keep for herself. She loved her children more than her own life. She sacrificed a great deal for her husband and her family.

She taught me how to love, how to really love, not with just words, but with action. She taught me to live this life in light of eternity---to recognize that this material world we live, with it's everyday problems and dealings is so very temporary, and we should be living with our eyes set on Paradise.

When mom became ill, I left the convent in order to spend 24/7 with her in her illness. I never left her side. Day in and day out, I was there. Doctors and nurses urged me to get out more. But I absolutely refused. I would not leave this woman for anything. She was my whole life.

When she passed away, a slow and solemn stream of doctors and nurses shuffled along to her bedside to pay their respects. I was amazed at their reaction to her death. The hospital had gotten to know us as we had been there for 7 months. One doctor approached me and said, "You should be commended. Never have we ever witnessed a family that would not leave their loved ones side. You stuck by her and you helped us to realize her life was very precious and could not just be let go." I shook my head "NO!" I said to this doctor and all who were in the room with my mom, "What you have witnessed is indicative of who my mom is. We stood by her side, because she never left ours throughout our life. We stood by her side because she deserved to be loved and cared for until her last breath. It is not us who should be commended, but this beautiful woman who lies in rest here."

Thank you Mom, you did your God-given duties. I'm sure He was very pleased with you.

Until He calls me up to the mountain to join you, I'll be thinking of you, missing you, and praying...

I love you with all my heart. Rest in Peace, mama.

Have Faith, Believe!

"Free your mind from all that troubles you, God will take care of things. You will be unable to make haste in this (choice) without, so to speak, grieving the heart of God, because He sees that you do not honor Him sufficiently with holy trust. Trust in Him, I beg you, and you will have the fulfillment of what your heart desires."

-- St Vincent de Paul

Yesterday, July 14th, was the feast day of Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha, the Native American who converted to Catholicism (and suffered much for it.) Suffering is not something that God wished for us humans to endure, it came into the world through sin. But I have realized that suffering is an essential part of the Christian journey... suffering, which can easily destroy us, can also make us stronger...

How often have you come to the brink of despair... only to find yourself lifted up and victorious? It is as if, God allowed you to scrape the very bottom, only so that you can realize how very small you are, and need only depend on Him. And when you are finished with one conflict...do you look back and say to yourself, it would have been better for you to never have suffered? Or has the experience left you even more enobled, armed and ready for the conflicts that lay ahead?

St. Teresa of Avila declared it well when she said, "All things will pass, but God alone remains..."

The readings of the Mass for the feast of Bl. Kateri, made a strong impression on me, as I have always lived most of my life in anxiety and fear and worry... In the readings, we get a sense that God is in total control of the journey, and there is really not much we humans can do to shape and form the direction of our lives... the only thing that is asked for us, and that we must do... is to have Faith and Trust in God, because when we fail to have this, we don't make Him very happy... in fact, the only times we witness Jesus disturbed and upset, was when He encountered people with little faith...

I have been slow to learn it... but I see it... trusting in Him, I have found my prayers answered almost immediately. And if the answer is "No," I have found myself better at accepting it...

How wonderful is this grace called Faith... for when you truly believe that God can... God will...

Just wanted to share with you these thoughts...

Rest In Peace, dear brother!

Today marks the 45th birthday of my late brother John.  He snuffed out his life at the young age of 29 in a horrific motorcycle accident.  

It's been a little more than 15 years since I lost him, but the pain persists, and my heart aches now as it did the moment I heard the news...

I can't help but think how different life would have been had he been able to persevere through the turbulence in his life.  How different would life had been had he survived, and I would not have had to live the rest of my life having to endure his incredible aching absence...

John, I am praying for you, and I trust that Our Lady got you home... the daily Rosary insists that She will be with us at the  hour of our deaths... 

I hope to see you again my dear sweet brother!!!

Please say a prayer for the repose of his soul...

Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity

Today the Church celebrates God.  This sounds kind of funny, because we ALWAYS celebrate God!  But today is the Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.   It is a day of meditation and reflection on the Mystery of Three Divine Persons in One God.  This mystery has baffled the most intelligent minds in man's history.  As much as mankind has tried to explain this dogma of belief, our words come up short.  The Holy Trinity will always be a Mystery, one that our mortal minds cannot grasp.  

My take on this, is that we should only realize one thing:

God is Love.  And only Love makes us happy.