Without

I went to Mass tonite with a heavy heart.  It happens sometimes.  I know it's the holidays.  Christmas is only 3 days away, and instead of me pondering on the great event we will be celebrating, I am caught up in myself once again...

I prayed a holy hour before Mass.  During my prayer, I found myself looking out the glass doors of the church.  In the distance I could see the nearby neighborhood all awash in Christmas lights...

Christmas is a powerful day here on earth.  It seems to affect everyone, regardless of what religion one practices.  Even the Hindus in the office where I work are celebrating it!  Everywhere I look around, I see the traditional displays of the season: Nativity scenes, from the reverent ones placed outside churches, to the gawdy glow-in-the-dark plastic ones; wreaths hanging on doors and car grills; colorful lights blinking in the cold air, covering rooftops, trees, and wherever else you can get those wrapped around.  There's an excitement in the air.  A rush of anticipation.  People are all aflutter.  Shopping malls are loaded, gift-buying is in full swing, commercialism is doing it's thing this season...and yes, many get lost in the worldly version of Christmas... but despite all that, Jesus is still the reason for this season, regardless of what the ACLU and fellow atheists tell us...  

But getting back to why I was heavy hearted this evening...

Christmas present takes me back to Christmas past.  I was thinking of the best Christmas I've ever had.  Hands down, it was back in '91.  My mom had had a stroke in November, but had a speedy recovery and was able to return home from the hospital just in time for the celebration of Our Lord's birth.  Trouble was, we were so caught up in her health crisis, we hadn't really prepared for the family celebration that year.  Unexpectedly, my older brother John saw to the gifts and to the cooking.  It wasn't anything elaborate, but it was just right.  He did a very good job.  

Two years later John was dead.  My family hasn't been complete for 15 years now.  And just recently I lost my mom.  I will be spending Christmas without her for the 3rd time.

Without...

...that word is  heavy especially at Christmas... 

And tonite, I was feeling the weight...as I often do, especially when families are reuniting all around, and mine can never reunite until the next life...

...call me a Scrooge, but the joy is lost on me at times...

Life is so short.  We need to pay attention to the time we have with those we love.  IF any one of you is having disagreements with loved ones, or haven't spoken to a son or a daughter for years and years...reconsider it this Christmas.  Or perhaps, you and a friend had a falling out.  Regardless of the reasons and who is right or wrong, this is the season to reconcile.  Throw out the grudges.  Throw out the hatred and the bitterness.  Jesus was born 2,000 years ago.  Mary did it.  She brought Him into this world.  Now it's our turn.  It's our turn to bring Jesus to those we love, those we aren't speaking to, those we hurt time and time again, and to those who hurt us.  The greatest gift we can give to one another is love, forgiveness, reconciliation.    

I miss my brother and my mom.  I'll never stop missing them.  But I look forward to that day when we will be reunited in Paradise.  I will celebrate Christmas then.  In the meantime, life has changed.  I've changed.  I live like a pilgrim in this world, always keeping my eyes on Eternity, watching through the night and waiting for the dawn of that eternal Christmas day...