Okay, you may find it odd that I'm already blogging about New Year's and we have Christmas just days away! But I have this on my mind, and I thought I would share it with you.
This New Year’s has me thinking about my own mortality. (And no, it isn't because of all that ridiculous hype about 2012!) Call me morbid, but Bobby and I used to tell each other back in the days of our youth that we couldn’t possibly live past our 30’s….and here I am on the verge of becoming 39! I can’t believe I’ve lasted this long…LORD, after all I’ve been through…who would’ve told me my heart could take it all and still survive? But I know it’s ‘cos You are keeping me alive…for today…and I won’t think about tomorrow…that’s what I’m supposed to do, right?
Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last
I think You want me to be joyful…so…I’ve decided my one resolution is to be joyful for love of You…keep things positive…no matter what happens…I’m gonna be happy…this will be a tough resolution to keep, ‘cos You know me, Jesus. You know how I am…this will be an offering of great proportion…and only You can measure it…
…I don’t know how much longer You will keep me here, I mean, who does know? But there’s something that I want before I go…I want to be able to look back on my life and say that I really, really loved…not just with mere words or on the surface…but to really love as I should have loved…
I don’t want to look back on my life and regret not doing all I could have possibly done…I just don’t want to live the rest of my days going through the motions…
And Lord, give me courage, because …the reality is…I’m often afraid of the many things you know about! All of those things scare me to death! And I feel like I’m falling apart sometimes…and I don’t want to go through that again…
Yet, the very grace I ask for is the very thing that brings me so much pain…
I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me
I don’t know…Jesus…sometimes I feel that no one else can possibly fathom what I’ve been through, and all that I’ve seen…all that You have given me, I ponder in my heart…but to share it is not possible…and I feel so alone sometimes…
…when things get like that, Lord, come to my assistance! Make haste to help me! It is in that time that the temptations come…and oh…how I need YOU!
Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have
I just want my life to mean something…I just want my life to be for You…for Your Glory…and for however long You want me here…Lord, I’m Yours…