Monday, December 21, 2009

New Year's Resolution 2010

“Therefore, stay awake, for you know neither the day nor the hour.”Mt. 25:30

Okay, you may find it odd that I'm already blogging about New Year's and we have Christmas just days away! But I have this on my mind, and I thought I would share it with you.
Well, in a few weeks time, we will be saying goodbye to the first decade of the Millenium and enter into the second. (Maybe not technically, but that's the way I see it!)

This New Year’s has me thinking about my own mortality. (And no, it isn't because of all that ridiculous hype about 2012!) Call me morbid, but Bobby and I used to tell each other back in the days of our youth that we couldn’t possibly live past our 30’s….and here I am on the verge of becoming 39! I can’t believe I’ve lasted this long…LORD, after all I’ve been through…who would’ve told me my heart could take it all and still survive? But I know it’s ‘cos You are keeping me alive…for today…and I won’t think about tomorrow…that’s what I’m supposed to do, right?

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last

I think You want me to be joyful…so…I’ve decided my one resolution is to be joyful for love of You…keep things positive…no matter what happens…I’m gonna be happy…this will be a tough resolution to keep, ‘cos You know me, Jesus. You know how I am…this will be an offering of great proportion…and only You can measure it…

…I don’t know how much longer You will keep me here, I mean, who does know? But there’s something that I want before I go…I want to be able to look back on my life and say that I really, really loved…not just with mere words or on the surface…but to really love as I should have loved…

I don’t want to look back on my life and regret not doing all I could have possibly done…I just don’t want to live the rest of my days going through the motions…

And Lord, give me courage, because …the reality is…I’m often afraid of the many things you know about! All of those things scare me to death! And I feel like I’m falling apart sometimes…and I don’t want to go through that again…

Yet, the very grace I ask for is the very thing that brings me so much pain…

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me

I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

I don’t know…Jesus…sometimes I feel that no one else can possibly fathom what I’ve been through, and all that I’ve seen…all that You have given me, I ponder in my heart…but to share it is not possible…and I feel so alone sometimes…

…when things get like that, Lord, come to my assistance! Make haste to help me! It is in that time that the temptations come…and oh…how I need YOU!

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

I just want my life to mean something…I just want my life to be for You…for Your Glory…and for however long You want me here…Lord, I’m Yours…
lyrics to "Savior Please" by Josh Wilson

Friday, September 25, 2009


I am participating in the LIVESTRONG Challenge in Austin, Texas on October 24th to benefit the Lance Armstrong Foundation. In the spring of 2008, my cousin David lost his battle with gastric carcinoma. He was only 47 years old. David worked as a male nurse in the health industry. He himself cared for those with cancer, and for all patients in need of daily care. It was a great shock to him and his family when he was diagnosed in the Fall of 2007. His cancer was ruthless. It began to spread very quickly. Tumors formed in his digestive tract, making it very difficult for his body to go through the digestive process. I saw David on his sick bed one afternoon. I was shocked at the trauma the cancer was causing to his body. David had been a very fit, strong, muscular young man, and very handsome to behold. But at this moment, he looked like a total stranger. His face was emaciated, and his frame was very thin. His breathing was difficult and he found himself in great pain. His cancer had become terminal. David didn't win his battle. He died in less than 5 months after his first diagnosis. He left behind two sons, and a family that loved him. This year, it is estimated that 12 million people worldwide will be diagnosed with cancer, that 1.3 million of those will be Americans, and that more than 560,000 Americans will die due to this disease. Throughout the world, numbers suggest that as many as 8 million people will die after their cancer diagnosis. It does not have to be a death sentence. Although there is no cure, progress has been made and it is vital that we continue to work, to fight, toward beating this disease. It is time that we make a commitment to close the gap between what we know and what we do. If you have been affected by cancer, or you care about this cause, please consider donating toward my fundraising goal. You can donate online at You may also make a contribution via check. Please visit my site and print a copy of the Offline Donation Form (a link to the form is located directly under the thermometer on my page) and mail your check and donation form to the address on the form. Thank you in advance for your support. Together, we can make a difference in the fight against cancer. Sincerely,

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Pray for me

To all who come by and read this blog, whether by accident, or because you know it's here...

please pray for me...

Thursday, July 23, 2009

In Loving Memory of Mom

"And the LORD came down upon Mount Sinai, to the top of the mountain; and the LORD called Moses to the top of the mountain, and Moses went up." Exodus 19:20

On this day, three years ago, the LORD called my mom to the top of the mountain, and she went up...

This day brings back the somber memories of my mom's last months. She died a very slow and painful death. But not after many miracles along the way, and a heroic display of courage and faith on the part of my mom.

Lucy was born to a middle-class Mexican-American family in the south central region of Texas. She displayed a deep mature faith at a very early age, and many in her family and in her town came to recognize her for her virtue and charity.

She met my dad while praying at the altar rail of the local Catholic Church. Total opposites, the two wed a few months later. From their union, 7 children were born. I am the youngest.

From the very beginning, she set out to raise her children with God. You can say that my first experiences that I remember were centered on my mom, teaching us about the Faith, taking us to Daily Mass, teaching us right from wrong. But my mom not only spoke the truth, she lived the truth. God blessed her with the grace to love others unconditionally. I was always in awe of her response to the everyday problems and blessings. My mom always opened her door to neighbors when they came knocking. Most of the time, they came for advice, for help of some kind. And she was always willing to be there for them, regardless of who they were, or how they treated her.

My mom never thought of herself. When she died, she had very few possessions. Most of her life was spent serving others and giving to others that which she refused to keep for herself. She loved her children more than her own life. She sacrificed a great deal for her husband and her family.

She taught me how to love, how to really love, not with just words, but with action. She taught me to live this life in light of eternity---to recognize that this material world we live, with it's everyday problems and dealings is so very temporary, and we should be living with our eyes set on Paradise.

When mom became ill, I left the convent in order to spend 24/7 with her in her illness. I never left her side. Day in and day out, I was there. Doctors and nurses urged me to get out more. But I absolutely refused. I would not leave this woman for anything. She was my whole life.

When she passed away, a slow and solemn stream of doctors and nurses shuffled along to her bedside to pay their respects. I was amazed at their reaction to her death. The hospital had gotten to know us as we had been there for 7 months. One doctor approached me and said, "You should be commended. Never have we ever witnessed a family that would not leave their loved ones side. You stuck by her and you helped us to realize her life was very precious and could not just be let go." I shook my head "NO!" I said to this doctor and all who were in the room with my mom, "What you have witnessed is indicative of who my mom is. We stood by her side, because she never left ours throughout our life. We stood by her side because she deserved to be loved and cared for until her last breath. It is not us who should be commended, but this beautiful woman who lies in rest here."

Thank you Mom, you did your God-given duties. I'm sure He was very pleased with you.

Until He calls me up to the mountain to join you, I'll be thinking of you, missing you, and praying...

I love you with all my heart. Rest in Peace, mama.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Have Faith, Believe!

"Free your mind from all that troubles you, God will take care of things. You will be unable to make haste in this (choice) without, so to speak, grieving the heart of God, because He sees that you do not honor Him sufficiently with holy trust. Trust in Him, I beg you, and you will have the fulfillment of what your heart desires."

-- St Vincent de Paul

Yesterday, July 14th, was the feast day of Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha, the Native American who converted to Catholicism (and suffered much for it.) Suffering is not something that God wished for us humans to endure, it came into the world through sin. But I have realized that suffering is an essential part of the Christian journey... suffering, which can easily destroy us, can also make us stronger...

How often have you come to the brink of despair... only to find yourself lifted up and victorious? It is as if, God allowed you to scrape the very bottom, only so that you can realize how very small you are, and need only depend on Him. And when you are finished with one you look back and say to yourself, it would have been better for you to never have suffered? Or has the experience left you even more enobled, armed and ready for the conflicts that lay ahead?

St. Teresa of Avila declared it well when she said, "All things will pass, but God alone remains..."

The readings of the Mass for the feast of Bl. Kateri, made a strong impression on me, as I have always lived most of my life in anxiety and fear and worry... In the readings, we get a sense that God is in total control of the journey, and there is really not much we humans can do to shape and form the direction of our lives... the only thing that is asked for us, and that we must do... is to have Faith and Trust in God, because when we fail to have this, we don't make Him very happy... in fact, the only times we witness Jesus disturbed and upset, was when He encountered people with little faith...

I have been slow to learn it... but I see it... trusting in Him, I have found my prayers answered almost immediately. And if the answer is "No," I have found myself better at accepting it...

How wonderful is this grace called Faith... for when you truly believe that God can... God will...

Just wanted to share with you these thoughts...

Friday, June 26, 2009

Rest In Peace, dear brother!

Today marks the 45th birthday of my late brother John.  He snuffed out his life at the young age of 29 in a horrific motorcycle accident.  

It's been a little more than 15 years since I lost him, but the pain persists, and my heart aches now as it did the moment I heard the news...

I can't help but think how different life would have been had he been able to persevere through the turbulence in his life.  How different would life had been had he survived, and I would not have had to live the rest of my life having to endure his incredible aching absence...

John, I am praying for you, and I trust that Our Lady got you home... the daily Rosary insists that She will be with us at the  hour of our deaths... 

I hope to see you again my dear sweet brother!!!

Please say a prayer for the repose of his soul...

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity

Today the Church celebrates God.  This sounds kind of funny, because we ALWAYS celebrate God!  But today is the Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.   It is a day of meditation and reflection on the Mystery of Three Divine Persons in One God.  This mystery has baffled the most intelligent minds in man's history.  As much as mankind has tried to explain this dogma of belief, our words come up short.  The Holy Trinity will always be a Mystery, one that our mortal minds cannot grasp.  

My take on this, is that we should only realize one thing:

God is Love.  And only Love makes us happy.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

God is Love!

John 15: 9 - 17
As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you; abide in my love.  If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love.  These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.  "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.  Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you.  No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.  You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide; so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.  This I command you, to love one another.

Today's Gospel expresses what is in my heart.  My desire for consecration to God.  I heard a calling to love back when I was in the convent, and this love is from God.  I pray that I never fail this love.  I pray that I love  God as I should and I always share that love which comes from God...

Today I went to confession with Fr. Jonathan.  He told me that as I get closer to God, as I continue to grow spiritually, I am reaching into the deepest parts of my soul.  He said, it is in these depths where I will experience a rich and profound beauty I have not yet witnessed. But, he warned, in these deep parts of the soul, I will see the fullness of my fallen nature as well.  It will "horrify" me.  He told me that the Blessed Mother is a "powerful intercessor" and I need to go to her to be able to deal with this...

We all have the capability to reach God where He dwells.  Fr. Jonathan says we all share in the "school of inner greatness."  God is present to us, inside of us...inside our souls.  We are never abandoned by God.  We abandon Him when we sin, but He will never abandon us...

When I received Our Lord today, I felt as if He was telling me to worship Him in this Holy Communion, not as on the outside of me, but within...  IT is hard to grasp the awesome union we enjoy with Jesus when we receive His Flesh and Blood inside us...

Jesus also reminded me that HE WANTS UNION with me even more so than I do with Him!  Our Saviour IS LOVE!!!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Anniversary of my First Holy Communion

It was 31 years ago today that I first tasted the Sweetness of Our Lord! The Most Holy Eucharist is the Source and Summit of our lives as Catholics. Without Him, we would hunger and thirst, we would die of starvation.

I have tried my very best to have always received Him worthily, and never lacking appreciation. I don't take Him for granted.

I highly recommend reading the Encyclical of Pope John Paul II titled, "Ecclesia de Eucharistia"

What I find so remarkable, is how the Holy Eucharist is prophesied in the Old Testament, and is clearly defined in the New. How can others dismiss this gift of Our Lord Jesus?

In Luke 24: 13-35, we read that two disciples unknowingly meet Jesus on their way to Emmaus. Their hearts burn as Jesus explains to them in detail the Holy Scriptures regarding the Prophesy of the Messiah. BUT, it wasn't until the breaking of the bread, were their eyes opened and they recognized Him! So, it isn't only with the Holy Scriptures will we be nourished, but really and truly to FEAST on the Flesh and Blood of Christ who is the Holy Eucharist! It is in the Bread, which St. Paul says is "real Food" and the Wine, which St. Paul says is "real Drink" that we come to know Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour!

Here are a few quotes for meditation on the Most Holy Eucharist:

"If we but paused for a moment to consider attentively what takes place in this Sacrament, I am sure that the thought of Christ's love for us would transform the coldness of our hearts into a fire of love and gratitude."

- St. Angela of Foligno

"What wonderful majesty! What stupendous condescension! O sublime humility! That the Lord of the whole universe, God and the Son of God, should humble Himself like this under the form of a little bread, for our salvation"

"...In this world I cannot see the Most High Son of God with my own eyes, except for His Most Holy Body and Blood."

- St. Francis of Assisi

I hunger for the bread of God, the flesh of Jesus Christ ...; I long to drink of his blood, the gift of unending love.

- St. Ignatius of Antioch

"How many of you say: I should like to see His face, His garments, His shoes. You do see Him, you touch Him, you eat Him. He gives Himself to you, not only that you may see Him, but also to be your food and nourishment."

- St. John Chrysostom

And finally:

"Jesus said to them, "Amen, amen, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you do not have life within you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him. Just as the living Father sent me and I have life because of the Father, so also the one who feeds on me will have life because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Unlike your ancestors who ate and still died, whoever eats this bread will live forever." ---John 6:53
The Words of Jesus Christ Himself proclaim that HE is the Holy Eucharist!
Long Live Christ the King in my heart and soul forever!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

The Good Shepherd

John 10: 11-18
"I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd lays down His life for the sheep. He who is a hireling and not a shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees; and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hireling and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the Good Shepherd; I know my own and my own know me, as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. And I have other sheep, that are not of this fold; I must bring them also, and they will heed my voice. So there shall be one flock, one shepherd. For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life, that I may take it again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again; this charge I have received from my Father."

The Jews knew exactly what the Lord was saying when He first mentioned these words over 2,000 years ago. The Jewish shepherds were a heroic lot. They would literally put their lives on the line for their sheep. Each shepherd would own about 100 sheep. They had a close bond with their sheep. The sheep knew only their shepherd and his voice alone. They would not follow anyone else. In the nightwatch, shepherds would combine their flocks into one area, surrounded by a stone wall. Then, each shepherd took turns watching throughout the night. There was not a gate to these fenced in areas. The shepherd was literally the gate. He would set his body to block the opening, so that no sheep would escape, nor would any wild animal come in. So, the shepherd had to stand guard and make sure the wolves would not come in. This is why it was a dangerous job, the nightwatch. Some probably lost their lives protecting their sheep.

When the morning came, and the shepherds would come to collect their sheep for grazing, they called their sheep, and only those belonging to that shepherd would come to him. There was no fear of losing sheep, because each knew their own.

The Lord Jesus' words in today's Gospel is His proclamation for His love for each one of us. We share an intimacy with the Lord. He knows us. He guards us and guides us. Are we following Him as good sheep? Or do we act like the bad ones, and go off into the wilderness and get lost? And then, instead of returning to Him quickly, or setting out to look for Him, we stay in our dark places and pout and cry? It doesn't matter what we do, because He always comes around searching for us, never giving up on us. WE are so fortunate to have such a God that loves as He loves!

I tend to whine and pout and get depressed about the life I'm living today. I had dreams, desires to become consecrated to Jesus in the religious life. I wanted to be a Dominican Sister. In the end, I decided to return home from the convent, to care for my ailing mother, and my disabled brother. My mother died shortly after my return. This devastated me. And my poor brother is sinking deeper into his own destructive behavior and declining mental health. Instead of my care and concern, I find myself aggravated by him, and his lack of appreciation. This sounds cruel of me, but I can't help it sometimes. I just feel sorry for myself. I find myself asking, "Is this all there is?" I complain about my job, my lack of friends, my lack of time for myself, my lack of privacy, my lack of my own place, my own dreams. My lack of fulfilment.

I take these complaints to my spiritual director all the time. I am surprised he doesn't grow weary of me. Two weeks ago, he told me I needed to rejuvenate my relationship with the Holy Spirit. He suggested a novena. I decided on this one:

I prayed this novena. And as the week continued, I found myself thinking of thoughts that made my life make more sense. I found myself ashamed of my complaints. I found myself willlingly doing more for my brother, and having time, not for myself, but for God. For prayer. For daily Mass. For time to be alone with God. My mind seemed to open up and see things more clearly. And today, at Mass, I found tears streaming down my face, because the Lord awoke in me a point of view I had not had of myself. I found Him telling me, that I too, am a good shepherd, in that I have laid my life aside first for my mother, and now for my brother. I found the Lord telling me during Mass, that I was actively participating in the life He had chosen for me. I was to be an imitation, a reflection of the Love of the Good Shepherd.

I felt as if all this came to me by the Power of the Holy Spirit. He never does things too quietly in my life! It's always so dramatic! :)

I am not sharing this to glorify myself. I am sharing it for the glory of God! Anyone reading this, I want you to reflect and see if you are a living reflection of the Good Shepherd. WE all can become "good shepherds" in our own lives.

Pope Benedict XVI also shares in this belief, that we all can become "good shepherds." Here is a beautiful piece that I read in my Magnificat today, and which seemed to confirm what the Lord was telling me during Mass:

"Saint Peter, whom the Risen Lord charged to tend his sheep, to become a shepherd with him and for him, described Jesus as the "archipoimen"-"Chief Shepherd" (see 1 Pt 5:4), and by this he meant that it is only possible to be a shepherd of the flock of Jesus Christ through him and in very close communion with him. The Lord tells us three things about the true shepherd: he gives his own life for his sheep; he knows them and they know him; he is at the service of unity. The shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The mystery of the cross is at the center of Jesus' service as a shepherd: it is the great service that he renders to all of us. He gives himself and not only in a distant past. In the Holy Eucharist he does so every day...Day after day it is necessary to learn that I do not possess my life for myself. Day by day I must learn to abandon myself; to keep myself available for whatever he, the Lord, needs of me at a given moment, even if other things seem more appealing and more important to me: it means giving life, not taking it. It is in this very way that we experience freedom: freedom from ourselves, the vastness of being. In this very way, by being useful, in being a person whom the world needs, our life becomes important and beautiful. Only those who give up their own life find it. Let us entrust ourselves to Jesus the True Shepherd."

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Divine Mercy Sunday

         On the evening of that first day of the week, when the doors were locked, where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, "Peace be with you."

When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.

(Jesus) said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you."

And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the holy Spirit.

Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained." (Jn 20:19-23)

The Lord Jesus came to his brothers and breathed on them, giving them the Holy Spirit, and with the Spirit, the power to "forgive sins..."  

Here is where Catholicism receives her precious Sacrament of Reconciliation.  Jesus gave the power to the apostles, who themselves were ordained the first priests of the Church.  And every priest, subsequently after them, has received these same gifts.

This Gospel is very fitting for today's Feast day.  We celebrate the Mercy of God.  We celebrate the fact that God sent His Son into the world, not to condemn it, but to save it...and redeem it, and to redeem, and redeem, and redeem, until the end of time...

I once visited a cathedral in the Midwest.  It was very old, and beautiful.  As I walked around, I entered the traditional confessional stalls.  A chill went through me.  I thought to myself, "In this place, many a soul was washed clean by the Blood of the Lamb through the words of absolution...many a soul came to his salvation here on this spot..."  

Jesus died on the cross to give us hope for salvation.  He did not remove man's own free will.  Because of our own free will, we fall into sin time and time again.  This is why Jesus gave the apostles (and subsequently our priests) the power to "forgive men's sins."  It is not them doing the actual forgiving, but it is through their hands, ordained by the Holy Spirit, that souls receive the absolution of their sins from Jesus Christ.

I love the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  It offers me a time to be humble, a time to be ashamed of my own wretchedness, a time to admit to my own faults without blaming others...

In the confessional, Jesus speaks to me through the priests.  I feel so clean and new everytime I walk out.  Once, in the convent, after a very lengthy confession with my chaplain, I walked out of the confessional and came eye to Eye with Jesus, Exposed in the Blessed Sacrament.  I "heard" His words..."I have won...I have won and conquered your soul...You belong to Me..."  So it is after a good confession, that although we Christians are in the midst of a battle against the principalities of darkness until our last breath, when we fall in that battle, we don't stay down...we rise again in the Sacrament of Reconciliation...and the Lord conquers...the Lord wins!

Today we celebrate the Feast of  Divine Mercy, the urgent calling by Jesus Christ to mankind to come to Him...for it is not too late to turn away from your sins, and return to Him who is waiting for you...

Trust in Him, for there is no sin greater than His Mercy...

Sunday, April 12, 2009


Jesus Christ, our Savior, our Lord, our Redeemer is not dead, but ALIVE!  

The God I receive in the Holy Eucharist is not the God of the dead, but of the LIVING!

He came into our world to SAVE and REDEEM and REDEEM and REDEEM!

I need Him yesterday, today and forever!


Thursday, April 2, 2009

JP II, We Still Love You!

4 years ago, the world bid farewell to one of the holiest persons ever to walk the face of the earth...

Pope John Paul II was extraordinary in that he allowed the Holy Spirit to completely permeate his life. He followed God's will as best he could, never allowing any contradiction to Holy Mother Church's beliefs and doctrines and personage, no kingships, no worldly order could ever convince him to do so...

He was the "Servant of the Servants of God..."

...and one day, he will be "Saint John Paul..."


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Annunciation

Today the Catholic Church turns her eyes to Nazareth, to a young Virgin betrothed to a man named Joseph of the House of David...

It was this Virgin who, over 2,000 years ago, gave her "Fiat" to the Almighty God. Through this "Yes," the Word was made Flesh in her womb...

Let us ponder and meditate on this awesome moment in our history!

Contemplate the great love God has for us! It was only a few days ago we were reflecting on the words of Sacred Scripture: For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him. (Jn 3:16-17)

In the Annunciation, we see how God fulfills this Scripture with the Fiat of Mary: He sent a messenger, the Archangel Gabriel to Our Lady in Nazareth. God doesn't force her to accept His plan. Instead, like a respectful suitor, God asks her for her participation. Mary could have said "no." But she tells the angel Gabriel, "Ecce ancilla Domini: Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum."---"Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word." (Lk 1:38)

So it is, that when God created Adam and Eve, they willingly sinned against Him. Through their act of disobedience, they brought sin and death into the world, condemning mankind and darkening our existence. In the Incarnation, Mary surrenders to the Almighty God. Through her act of obedience to His Divine Will, she brings forth Salvation into the world...

Thank you, Blessed Mary, ever-Virgin, Mother of us all!

At Mass, I found myself getting emotional after receiving Jesus in Holy Communion. I prayed, "2,000 years ago, You came into flesh in the womb of Mary, and here I am, Lord, receiving You in the flesh into my mouth and into my heart! HERE I AM, Lord, let all be done in my life according to Your word!"

Hope you have a wonderful Feast day!!!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Feast Day of St. Joseph


Today the Catholic Church celebrates Saint Joseph, the husband of Mary and Foster-father of Jesus Christ.

In Scripture, St. Joseph utters no words. He's a man of silence. But in his silence, God is able to penetrate his heart, giving him the strength and confidence to carry out God's plan. We can also see in Scripture that St. Joseph is a very concerned and wise man. He's humble and faithful to God and His precepts. Joseph's humility and obedience make him susceptible to God's will and doing exactly what God bids. He is a role model for us all.

In the Catholic tradition, (with Scripture backing us up,) we believe that we can ask the Saints to intercede for us to the Almighty God. St. Joseph has proven throughout the ages to be a very powerful intercessor. St. Teresa of Avila once said of St. Joseph: "I am astonished at the great favours which God has bestowed on me through this blessed saint, and at the perils from which He has freed me, both in body and in soul. To other saints the Lord seems to have given grace to succour us in some of our necessities but of this glorious saint my experience is that he succours us in them all..."

AS he was the guardian and protector of Jesus on earth, St. Joseph is now considered the protector of our Holy Mother Church on earth. Please pray for the Roman Pontiff and our Holy Catholic Church this day through St. Joseph's intercession:

We come to you, O blessed Joseph, in our distress. We humbly beg that, mindful of the affection which bound you to the Immaculate Virgin Mother of God, and of the fatherly love with which you cherished the child Jesus, you will lovingly watch over the heritage which Jesus Christ purchased with His blood, and by your powerful intercession help us in our urgent need. Prudent guardian of the Holy Family, protect the chosen people of Jesus Christ; drive far from us, most loving father, all error and corrupting sin. From your place in heaven, most powerful protector, graciously come to our aid in this conflict with the powers of darkness, and as of old you delivered the Child Jesus from danger of death, so now defend the holy Church from the snares of the enemy and from all adversity. Extend to each one of us your continual protection, that, led on by your example, and borne up by your strength, we may be able to live and die in holiness and obtain the promises of Jesus Christ. Amen.

AS he is also a powerful intercessor in things almost despaired of, remember to pray for his help with any difficulties you may be having:

O glorious St. Joseph, thou who hast power to render possible even things which are considered impossible, come to our aid in our present trouble and distress. Take this important and difficult affair under thy particular protection, that it may end happily. (Name your request.) O dear St. Joseph, all our confidence is in thee. let it not be said that we would invoke thee in vain; and since thou art so powerful with Jesus and Mary. show that thy goodness equals thy power. Amen, St. Joseph, friend of the Sacred Heart of Our Lord and Savior, pray for us to the Almighty God.


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Happy St. Paddy's DAY!!!

Today I remember the Saint in whom I am named after.
I never understood why my father named me after St. Patrick. It was a surprise to my mother! She told me that she and my dad had decided to name me "Veronica" after the Saint who gave comfort to Jesus during His Way of the Cross....but when my mother was in recovery after delivery, my father walked in telling the doctor my name would be "Patricia."

What gave my father that inspiration? I've never really known. My mom didn't argue, and accepted it.

St. Patrick is a remarkable person. Sure, there is a lot of folklore surrounding him. But it's only because his life was so adventurous! Kidnapped in his youth by pirates and forced into slave labor, he finally escaped years later and traveled to England. It was there he became a priest. He was sent to Ireland, and conquered the land for Jesus Christ!

So, drink a toast of green beer to good St. Patrick this day with friends!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Some interesting facts I read today

Taken from a medical website:

People with bipolar disorder may need help to get help.

Often people with bipolar disorder do not realize how impaired they are, or they blame their problems on some cause other than mental illness.

A person with bipolar disorder may need strong encouragement from family and friends to seek treatment. Family physicians can play an important role in providing referral to a mental health professional.

Sometimes a family member or friend may need to take the person with bipolar disorder for proper mental health evaluation and treatment.

A person who is in the midst of a severe episode may need to be hospitalized for his or her own protection and for much-needed treatment. There may be times when the person must be hospitalized against his or her wishes.

Ongoing encouragement and support are needed after a person obtains treatment, because it may take a while to find the best treatment plan for each individual.

In some cases, individuals with bipolar disorder may agree, when the disorder is under good control, to a preferred course of action in the event of a future manic or depressive relapse.

Like other serious illnesses, bipolar disorder is also hard on spouses, family members, friends, and employers.

Family members of someone with bipolar disorder often have to cope with the person’s serious behavioral problems, such as wild spending sprees during mania or extreme withdrawal from others during depression, and the lasting consequences of these behaviors.

Many people with bipolar disorder benefit from joining support groups such as those sponsored by the National Depressive and Manic Depressive Association (NDMDA), the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI), and the National Mental Health Association (NMHA). Families and friends can also benefit from support groups offered by these organizations.

I ask all of you reading this, to please take a moment to pray for people who suffer from this debilitating disease...

...also say a prayer for those who love them...

Friday, March 6, 2009


Matthew 5: 20 - 26
20For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
21"You have heard that it was said to the men of old, `You shall not kill; and whoever kills shall be liable to judgment.'
22But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, `You fool!' shall be liable to the hell of fire.
23So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,
24leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
25Make friends quickly with your accuser, while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison;
26truly, I say to you, you will never get out till you have paid the last penny.

Today's Gospel is self-explanatory.  If  you have grudges, if you have not forgiven, if you keep hurting, betraying, abandoning, alienating...

...gossiping, breaking down, de-moralizing, lying to, cheating on, using as a door-mat...

...taking for granted, hating, abusing, intimidating, laughing at, ignoring, spitting on, cursing, insulting...

---your neighbor, then...

You are breaking the 5th commandment "Thou Shalt Not Kill!"

You cannot be going up to the Altar and receiving Holy Communion until you sincerely reconcile with your neighbor....

You will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

words to ponder, 

words to live by!

As they say on phatmass, 

"Don't hate, appreciate!"

Friday, February 27, 2009

Lent 2009


LENT day three:

Okay, so I have been really slacking on this blog thing here. I am prepared to write more during Lent. I have given up phatmass, facebook, myspace, but not my blog. My blog is my way of sharing the inspirations and meditations I receive in contemplation. Lent is a time to really begin to do what I intended to do when I created this... and so, with phatmass on the back burner for now, I can really concentrate and not be so joyfully distracted! :-)

Last year, my Lent was one of the most difficult in my whole life! Here's why: I seriously contemplated what I needed to do for Lent. In contemplation, I reflected on how far this world is from God. I received inspiration to "comfort" Our Dear Lord. The world's ignorance of God became the center of my concern. How does God feel about his wayward children? How is He affected by the indifference? After all, He is God, but does He get wounded? Does He feel pain in His Sacred Heart when He loves and does not receive love in return?

He showers love upon every individual on the face of this earth....but just how much of that love is reciprocated? I prayed to Jesus, to help me to offer up my own relationships, to see just how much it feels like to be unappreciated and to dish out love and receive rejection in return... out what you pray for...

Without much warning, my most cherished friend decided not to speak to me anymore! I mean, this person was the David to my Jonathan! (1 Samuel 18:1; 20:17.) The pain I received from this sudden alienation was to haunt me, not only for the rest of Lent but even beyond...

Think about it. Think about your closest confidant, the only person you tell all your stuff to, the only one you trust; the person to whom you expose your most vulnerable side. When this friend abandoned me, I felt so humiliated. All my self-confidence was destroyed. Believing that I was cherished as much as I cherished, and then realizing that I was not, left me very humbled....and afraid. The shock of this was intense. I had just lost my mom, I had just walked away from religious life, I was on the verge of losing a whole bunch of new "friends," and now, the only person I felt loyalty from, was cutting me out...for seemed.

You can imagine the rejection I was feeling...the loneliness, the one point, I regretted having loved and cared so much.

I'm not sure if any of you have ever experienced this from a friend. I tend to love my friends very deeply. I know this love is from God, because it wouldn't hurt so much if it wasn't real.

Because of my mortal weakness, I discovered I could not survive being treated thusly, and I totally fell apart emotionally by this episode. Although my sufferings could never compare to the suffering of Christ, I believe God wanted me to taste just a little of what He must endure from our cold, dark world, with it's hatred and ingratitude towards His Great Love.

...and yet, there is one thing we can count on...

...God will NEVER regret loving us...He will never regret the Cross He carried, and the Death He procured to save us from our sinfulness!

People are always complaining about not having rights. They want the right to live wretched, sinful lives. In all the arguments over same-sex marriages, abortions, divorce, euthanasia, etc. We are forgetting that God has rights! He has the right to be loved and appreciated by His creation! But no one thinks of that...they only think of themselves...they don't remember for one moment that there is a God who is madly in love with them...who is reaching out to them...who is pining for them...waiting and hoping to receive anything, something in return for His Love. although it is something I never want to go through again, I received a great gift last Lent (and most of last year...) In the depth of my anguish for losing my most dearest friend, I found myself desperately reaching out in the darkness that surrounded me...and in reaching out...I discovered the Hand of God, reaching out to me in much the same way...

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


The month of January is now gone. I realize I haven't posted as often as I would have liked to. But the first month of the year is an extremely busy one at the office. And I'm usually stressed and burned out by the time I get home. 

AS I write this, we Catholics celebrate the Feast of St. Blaise. He was a bishop of the Church and a martyr, because he was killed for his Faith in Jesus Christ. He is traditionally known as the patron saint of those with throat maladies. The reason for this is quite simple. A young boy was choking on fishbones and was about to die when St. Blaise laid his hands on the boy's throat and prayed.  The boy was miraculously healed by God through the prayers of St. Blaise.   On this day, all Catholics receive a blessing on their throats in memory of this beautiful miracle.

The first reading at Mass really struck me:

{12:1} Furthermore, since we also have so great a cloud of witnesses over us, let us set aside every burden and sin which may surround us, and advance, through patience, to the struggle offered to us.
{12:2} Let us gaze upon Jesus, as the Author and the completion of our faith, who, having joy laid out before him, endured the cross, disregarding the shame, and who now sits at the right hand of the throne of God.
{12:3} So then, meditate upon him who endured such adversity from sinners against himself, so that you may not become weary, failing in your souls.
{12:4} For you have not yet resisted unto blood, while striving against sin.

I am always in awe at Holy Scripture. Written thousands of years ago, yet, written for me...for my own personal direction...

I am struggling very much these days. I think it is because I am self-centered. I spoke to Sr. Joachim about this...and she agreed. But she added, that I was alone in my life, and therefore, it is quite reasonable to be overly-concerned with myself, since there isn't anyone else to distract me...

It isn't easy being a young, single, Catholic woman in today's world. I think the belief is that as a female, I'm supposed to be strong in my profession, overly ambitious, and not show any sign of weakness or else I won't get to the top...

...but what if I don't care to get all the way to the top? ...what if I like to be 2nd, 3rd, 4th or even last???

Also, people get a little curious when I tell them I am single and not dating or attached to any young man. "Is she gay," they wonder? "She must be sleeping around," some say as they try to comprehend it. No, I am not gay and no, I am not a slut. I'm living with what the world considers a bizarre and unusual condition: celibacy...

This is what struck me about the first reading at Holy Mass today...that I really do live a life that is counter-cultural. And from time to time, I can feel persecuted for what I believe and for practicing my Faith.

We are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses....

St. Paul writes this to insist that living in imitation of Jesus Christ isn't impossible for us humans. In the 2,000 year history of the Catholic Church, we have thousands if not millions of witnesses to the Faith of Jesus Christ. We call them Saints. They prove to me that I have no excuses. As a human being, it is definitely difficult, but as a human being, it is not impossible....because nothing is impossible with God...

I hate it when I hear people say, "I can't live those commandments. They are too restrictive." Those commandments are there to free us. It's when you don't live them that you become enslaved to your sins and weaknesses. You built your own prison.  St. Paul compares life to a race.  We are running a race.  Against who?  Against sin.  And if we want happiness forever with God in the next world, we must win this race.  This is why St. Paul urges us to lay aside every weight...he's speaking of the sins that hold us down.  Every good runner knows that you can't allow anything to hold you down in a race...!  Releasing our sins does not restrict us but sets us free...

I must admit, it isn't easy. For those of you who are reading and following my blog, I ask that you pray for me. My life is pretty confusing. And I struggle greatly with my purpose in life... see, I used to live in a convent...

...and much of my heart wishes to return to religious life, but circumstances and obstacles continue to block my way back...

...usually I call them obstacles, but most of my spiritual directors have called it the Will of God...

It isn't easy having such an intense desire, when it doesn't seem to be getting any where close to fulfillment.  I can only trust in God that He certainly knows what He's doing with my life.  It is hard to be in my spot, because I feel so alone.  I feel like a fish out of water.  And temptations surround me.  

I miss religious living...I miss being in the formation program, hoping for that day when I would give my total self to Jesus Christ.  But you really don't have to be in a convent to do this...I understand that now.  I must do this another way...

This reading from St. Paul is like a pep talk.  It's like St. Paul is almost begging us to persevere, every step of the way, because there is a purpose to our existence.  We don't see the big picture, only God does.  And with God's help, I certainly will make my life something beautiful for Him...

Thursday, January 15, 2009


It's been a while since I last posted, but so far, my new year has been very hectic!

Last posting, I was about to leave on a weekend trip to Arkansas.  It was incredible driving for 12 hours straight...but it was worth every bit of it once I got there...

I went to visit a dear friend of mine, a Dominican Sister by the name of Sr. Joachim of the Dominican Sisters of the Immaculate Conception Province.  This Polish Dominican community has been in the United States since the 1940's, when the Bishop of Chicago asked for a religious congregation of Sisters to assist with the growing Polish immigrant population in Chicago.  The Sisters graciously accepted, and have been a presence in the village of Justice, a suburb of Chicago, for decades now.   Exciting news came to my attention recently, when I learned that the good Sisters have opened up a House of Formation here in the United States.  That means, American vocations galore!  Young women so desiring to enter their community do  not need to go to Poland for Formation, but can reside here in the states!  IT IS INCREDIBLE what our God is doing for the Church in America!!!

I met Sister Joachim on my very first trip to Justice, Il., and I was impressed from the very  beginning.  Our friendship solidified over conversations about God, His Holy Church, and what He is inspiring us to do with our lives.  I find her to be what Holy Scripture describes as "a true friend...and a treasure..." We both share the "same heart and mind in God...."

Sr. Joachim stays at the mission convent in Arkansas.  She is working in the local parish as a Catechism teacher and also visits the sick and elderly of the nursing homes and area hospice.   Whom ever she visits, and whomever she comes across, she brings Jesus right along with her!  She is an inspiration to me, and one of my heros!

On this outing, time was limited.  I spent time with Sister at Mass, took a short sight-seeing trip out to Bull Shoals and saw White River, helped her set up her classroom for cathechism, and checked out the parish's education center.  We did find time to have a deep discussion about life while playing table tennis in the center's rec room!  We didn't skip a beat either, I think that ball could have just kept going between us back and forth forever!  She's exceptional at ping pong! :-)

The essence of our friendship comes from the Eucharist, and so, you can say I was thrilled to be able to pray the Liturgy of the Hours and Adoration with Sister and her Superior in their home, where they are fortunate to have a chapel!  I called it, "Jesus' bedroom."  I asked Sister, "How can I get a Chapel in my house?"  She answered, "Begin your own community!"

In the evening, I found myself sitting at the piano playing Polish Hymns and singing along with Sr. Joachim.  I started playing a hymn titled, Boże, coś Polskę (God save Poland) and noticed tears in Sister's eyes.  She explained the history of this particular hymn.  It was an anthem of sorts.  She said this hymn was sung in Catholic Churches throughout Poland during the time of Soviet control.  The song was used to inspire the Faithful, and keep their hopes alive.  They believed one day, they would be able to celebrate their beliefs, their heritage and their culture once again, not under the oppression of the Soviets, but in liberty, in freedom.  Sister began to recall some of the memories of that struggle.  She remembers well, the Communist's suppression of the Solidarity movement.  She told me thousands of priests lost their lives for the Faith.   She said it was the Catholic Faith that brought down Communism, and gave Poland her freedom once again...

I asked her what America needs to learn from the Polish, now that we will be under the presidency of Obama.  (As we all know, he is one of the most pro-death, pro-abortion presidents our country has ever elected.  He has already promised to sign into law the Freedom of Choice Act as soon as he becomes president!)  Sister feels like I do, that the Church in America is in great need of spiritual renewal, and not renewal by our standards, but by God's standards.  We Catholics of America need to embrace our Faith and start living it, because without obedience to the moral teachings of the Catholic Church, our country will soon become it's own victim to the Culture of Death it so expounds.  My fellow Catholics, our nation needs us to be the best Catholics we can be!

I left Sister the next day, with a heavy heart.  I did not want to leave her so soon.  I do not know when God will allow me to visit her again, but I will cherish her words and ponder them in my heart until the next time...