Happy St. Paddy's DAY!!!

Today I remember the Saint in whom I am named after.
I never understood why my father named me after St. Patrick. It was a surprise to my mother! She told me that she and my dad had decided to name me "Veronica" after the Saint who gave comfort to Jesus during His Way of the Cross....but when my mother was in recovery after delivery, my father walked in telling the doctor my name would be "Patricia."

What gave my father that inspiration? I've never really known. My mom didn't argue, and accepted it.

St. Patrick is a remarkable person. Sure, there is a lot of folklore surrounding him. But it's only because his life was so adventurous! Kidnapped in his youth by pirates and forced into slave labor, he finally escaped years later and traveled to England. It was there he became a priest. He was sent to Ireland, and conquered the land for Jesus Christ!

So, drink a toast of green beer to good St. Patrick this day with friends!

Some interesting facts I read today

Taken from a medical website:

People with bipolar disorder may need help to get help.

Often people with bipolar disorder do not realize how impaired they are, or they blame their problems on some cause other than mental illness.

A person with bipolar disorder may need strong encouragement from family and friends to seek treatment. Family physicians can play an important role in providing referral to a mental health professional.

Sometimes a family member or friend may need to take the person with bipolar disorder for proper mental health evaluation and treatment.

A person who is in the midst of a severe episode may need to be hospitalized for his or her own protection and for much-needed treatment. There may be times when the person must be hospitalized against his or her wishes.

Ongoing encouragement and support are needed after a person obtains treatment, because it may take a while to find the best treatment plan for each individual.

In some cases, individuals with bipolar disorder may agree, when the disorder is under good control, to a preferred course of action in the event of a future manic or depressive relapse.

Like other serious illnesses, bipolar disorder is also hard on spouses, family members, friends, and employers.

Family members of someone with bipolar disorder often have to cope with the person’s serious behavioral problems, such as wild spending sprees during mania or extreme withdrawal from others during depression, and the lasting consequences of these behaviors.

Many people with bipolar disorder benefit from joining support groups such as those sponsored by the National Depressive and Manic Depressive Association (NDMDA), the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI), and the National Mental Health Association (NMHA). Families and friends can also benefit from support groups offered by these organizations.

I ask all of you reading this, to please take a moment to pray for people who suffer from this debilitating disease...

...also say a prayer for those who love them...

DO NOT HATE, APPRECIATE!

Matthew 5: 20 - 26
20	For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
21	"You have heard that it was said to the men of old, `You shall not kill; and whoever kills shall be liable to judgment.'
22	But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, `You fool!' shall be liable to the hell of fire.
23	So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,
24	leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
25	Make friends quickly with your accuser, while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison;
26	truly, I say to you, you will never get out till you have paid the last penny.

Today's Gospel is self-explanatory.  If  you have grudges, if you have not forgiven, if you keep hurting, betraying, abandoning, alienating...

...gossiping, breaking down, de-moralizing, lying to, cheating on, using as a door-mat...

...taking for granted, hating, abusing, intimidating, laughing at, ignoring, spitting on, cursing, insulting...

---your neighbor, then...

You are breaking the 5th commandment "Thou Shalt Not Kill!"

You cannot be going up to the Altar and receiving Holy Communion until you sincerely reconcile with your neighbor....

You will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

words to ponder, 

words to live by!

As they say on phatmass, 

"Don't hate, appreciate!"

Lent 2009

+JC

LENT day three:

Okay, so I have been really slacking on this blog thing here. I am prepared to write more during Lent. I have given up phatmass, facebook, myspace, but not my blog. My blog is my way of sharing the inspirations and meditations I receive in contemplation. Lent is a time to really begin to do what I intended to do when I created this... and so, with phatmass on the back burner for now, I can really concentrate and not be so joyfully distracted! :-)

Last year, my Lent was one of the most difficult in my whole life! Here's why: I seriously contemplated what I needed to do for Lent. In contemplation, I reflected on how far this world is from God. I received inspiration to "comfort" Our Dear Lord. The world's ignorance of God became the center of my concern. How does God feel about his wayward children? How is He affected by the indifference? After all, He is God, but does He get wounded? Does He feel pain in His Sacred Heart when He loves and does not receive love in return?

He showers love upon every individual on the face of this earth....but just how much of that love is reciprocated? I prayed to Jesus, to help me to offer up my own relationships, to see just how much it feels like to be unappreciated and to dish out love and receive rejection in return...

...watch out what you pray for...

Without much warning, my most cherished friend decided not to speak to me anymore! I mean, this person was the David to my Jonathan! (1 Samuel 18:1; 20:17.) The pain I received from this sudden alienation was to haunt me, not only for the rest of Lent but even beyond...

Think about it. Think about your closest confidant, the only person you tell all your stuff to, the only one you trust; the person to whom you expose your most vulnerable side. When this friend abandoned me, I felt so humiliated. All my self-confidence was destroyed. Believing that I was cherished as much as I cherished, and then realizing that I was not, left me very humbled....and afraid. The shock of this was intense. I had just lost my mom, I had just walked away from religious life, I was on the verge of losing a whole bunch of new "friends," and now, the only person I felt loyalty from, was cutting me out...for good...it seemed.

You can imagine the rejection I was feeling...the loneliness, the betrayal...at one point, I regretted having loved and cared so much.

I'm not sure if any of you have ever experienced this from a friend. I tend to love my friends very deeply. I know this love is from God, because it wouldn't hurt so much if it wasn't real.

Because of my mortal weakness, I discovered I could not survive being treated thusly, and I totally fell apart emotionally by this episode. Although my sufferings could never compare to the suffering of Christ, I believe God wanted me to taste just a little of what He must endure from our cold, dark world, with it's hatred and ingratitude towards His Great Love.

...and yet, there is one thing we can count on...

...God will NEVER regret loving us...He will never regret the Cross He carried, and the Death He procured to save us from our sinfulness!

People are always complaining about not having rights. They want the right to live wretched, sinful lives. In all the arguments over same-sex marriages, abortions, divorce, euthanasia, etc. We are forgetting that God has rights! He has the right to be loved and appreciated by His creation! But no one thinks of that...they only think of themselves...they don't remember for one moment that there is a God who is madly in love with them...who is reaching out to them...who is pining for them...waiting and hoping to receive anything, something in return for His Love.

...so although it is something I never want to go through again, I received a great gift last Lent (and most of last year...) In the depth of my anguish for losing my most dearest friend, I found myself desperately reaching out in the darkness that surrounded me...and in reaching out...I discovered the Hand of God, reaching out to me in much the same way...

Struggling

The month of January is now gone. I realize I haven't posted as often as I would have liked to. But the first month of the year is an extremely busy one at the office. And I'm usually stressed and burned out by the time I get home. 

AS I write this, we Catholics celebrate the Feast of St. Blaise. He was a bishop of the Church and a martyr, because he was killed for his Faith in Jesus Christ. He is traditionally known as the patron saint of those with throat maladies. The reason for this is quite simple. A young boy was choking on fishbones and was about to die when St. Blaise laid his hands on the boy's throat and prayed.  The boy was miraculously healed by God through the prayers of St. Blaise.   On this day, all Catholics receive a blessing on their throats in memory of this beautiful miracle.

The first reading at Mass really struck me:

[Hebrews 12]

{12:1} Furthermore, since we also have so great a cloud of witnesses over us, let us set aside every burden and sin which may surround us, and advance, through patience, to the struggle offered to us.
{12:2} Let us gaze upon Jesus, as the Author and the completion of our faith, who, having joy laid out before him, endured the cross, disregarding the shame, and who now sits at the right hand of the throne of God.
{12:3} So then, meditate upon him who endured such adversity from sinners against himself, so that you may not become weary, failing in your souls.
{12:4} For you have not yet resisted unto blood, while striving against sin.

I am always in awe at Holy Scripture. Written thousands of years ago, yet, written for me...for my own personal direction...

I am struggling very much these days. I think it is because I am self-centered. I spoke to Sr. Joachim about this...and she agreed. But she added, that I was alone in my life, and therefore, it is quite reasonable to be overly-concerned with myself, since there isn't anyone else to distract me...

It isn't easy being a young, single, Catholic woman in today's world. I think the belief is that as a female, I'm supposed to be strong in my profession, overly ambitious, and not show any sign of weakness or else I won't get to the top...

...but what if I don't care to get all the way to the top? ...what if I like to be 2nd, 3rd, 4th or even last???

Also, people get a little curious when I tell them I am single and not dating or attached to any young man. "Is she gay," they wonder? "She must be sleeping around," some say as they try to comprehend it. No, I am not gay and no, I am not a slut. I'm living with what the world considers a bizarre and unusual condition: celibacy...

This is what struck me about the first reading at Holy Mass today...that I really do live a life that is counter-cultural. And from time to time, I can feel persecuted for what I believe and for practicing my Faith.

We are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses....

St. Paul writes this to insist that living in imitation of Jesus Christ isn't impossible for us humans. In the 2,000 year history of the Catholic Church, we have thousands if not millions of witnesses to the Faith of Jesus Christ. We call them Saints. They prove to me that I have no excuses. As a human being, it is definitely difficult, but as a human being, it is not impossible....because nothing is impossible with God...

I hate it when I hear people say, "I can't live those commandments. They are too restrictive." Those commandments are there to free us. It's when you don't live them that you become enslaved to your sins and weaknesses. You built your own prison.  St. Paul compares life to a race.  We are running a race.  Against who?  Against sin.  And if we want happiness forever with God in the next world, we must win this race.  This is why St. Paul urges us to lay aside every weight...he's speaking of the sins that hold us down.  Every good runner knows that you can't allow anything to hold you down in a race...!  Releasing our sins does not restrict us but sets us free...

I must admit, it isn't easy. For those of you who are reading and following my blog, I ask that you pray for me. My life is pretty confusing. And I struggle greatly with my purpose in life...

...you see, I used to live in a convent...

...and much of my heart wishes to return to religious life, but circumstances and obstacles continue to block my way back...

...usually I call them obstacles, but most of my spiritual directors have called it the Will of God...

It isn't easy having such an intense desire, when it doesn't seem to be getting any where close to fulfillment.  I can only trust in God that He certainly knows what He's doing with my life.  It is hard to be in my spot, because I feel so alone.  I feel like a fish out of water.  And temptations surround me.  

I miss religious living...I miss being in the formation program, hoping for that day when I would give my total self to Jesus Christ.  But you really don't have to be in a convent to do this...I understand that now.  I must do this another way...

This reading from St. Paul is like a pep talk.  It's like St. Paul is almost begging us to persevere, every step of the way, because there is a purpose to our existence.  We don't see the big picture, only God does.  And with God's help, I certainly will make my life something beautiful for Him...

Arkansas!

It's been a while since I last posted, but so far, my new year has been very hectic!

Last posting, I was about to leave on a weekend trip to Arkansas.  It was incredible driving for 12 hours straight...but it was worth every bit of it once I got there...

I went to visit a dear friend of mine, a Dominican Sister by the name of Sr. Joachim of the Dominican Sisters of the Immaculate Conception Province.  This Polish Dominican community has been in the United States since the 1940's, when the Bishop of Chicago asked for a religious congregation of Sisters to assist with the growing Polish immigrant population in Chicago.  The Sisters graciously accepted, and have been a presence in the village of Justice, a suburb of Chicago, for decades now.   Exciting news came to my attention recently, when I learned that the good Sisters have opened up a House of Formation here in the United States.  That means, American vocations galore!  Young women so desiring to enter their community do  not need to go to Poland for Formation, but can reside here in the states!  IT IS INCREDIBLE what our God is doing for the Church in America!!!

I met Sister Joachim on my very first trip to Justice, Il., and I was impressed from the very  beginning.  Our friendship solidified over conversations about God, His Holy Church, and what He is inspiring us to do with our lives.  I find her to be what Holy Scripture describes as "a true friend...and a treasure..." We both share the "same heart and mind in God...."

Sr. Joachim stays at the mission convent in Arkansas.  She is working in the local parish as a Catechism teacher and also visits the sick and elderly of the nursing homes and area hospice.   Whom ever she visits, and whomever she comes across, she brings Jesus right along with her!  She is an inspiration to me, and one of my heros!

On this outing, time was limited.  I spent time with Sister at Mass, took a short sight-seeing trip out to Bull Shoals and saw White River, helped her set up her classroom for cathechism, and checked out the parish's education center.  We did find time to have a deep discussion about life while playing table tennis in the center's rec room!  We didn't skip a beat either, I think that ball could have just kept going between us back and forth forever!  She's exceptional at ping pong! :-)

The essence of our friendship comes from the Eucharist, and so, you can say I was thrilled to be able to pray the Liturgy of the Hours and Adoration with Sister and her Superior in their home, where they are fortunate to have a chapel!  I called it, "Jesus' bedroom."  I asked Sister, "How can I get a Chapel in my house?"  She answered, "Begin your own community!"

 

In the evening, I found myself sitting at the piano playing Polish Hymns and singing along with Sr. Joachim.  I started playing a hymn titled, Boże, coś Polskę (God save Poland) and noticed tears in Sister's eyes.  She explained the history of this particular hymn.  It was an anthem of sorts.  She said this hymn was sung in Catholic Churches throughout Poland during the time of Soviet control.  The song was used to inspire the Faithful, and keep their hopes alive.  They believed one day, they would be able to celebrate their beliefs, their heritage and their culture once again, not under the oppression of the Soviets, but in liberty, in freedom.  Sister began to recall some of the memories of that struggle.  She remembers well, the Communist's suppression of the Solidarity movement.  She told me thousands of priests lost their lives for the Faith.   She said it was the Catholic Faith that brought down Communism, and gave Poland her freedom once again...

I asked her what America needs to learn from the Polish, now that we will be under the presidency of Obama.  (As we all know, he is one of the most pro-death, pro-abortion presidents our country has ever elected.  He has already promised to sign into law the Freedom of Choice Act as soon as he becomes president!)  Sister feels like I do, that the Church in America is in great need of spiritual renewal, and not renewal by our standards, but by God's standards.  We Catholics of America need to embrace our Faith and start living it, because without obedience to the moral teachings of the Catholic Church, our country will soon become it's own victim to the Culture of Death it so expounds.  My fellow Catholics, our nation needs us to be the best Catholics we can be!

I left Sister the next day, with a heavy heart.  I did not want to leave her so soon.  I do not know when God will allow me to visit her again, but I will cherish her words and ponder them in my heart until the next time...

Happy New Year

I spent the last waning moments of 2008 at a Holy Mass at the Bishop's Cathedral.  I couldn't think of a better Person to spend that moment with than Our Lord Jesus Christ.  

I think it is great to come up with resolutions.  Some of my personal ones include losing weight, and eating healthier.  But more importantly I want to work on my spiritual life.  I'm trying for Daily Mass, Daily Hour of Adoration, and a special Novena prayer to the Holy Spirit.  I think it's important that if I want a better relationship with Jesus, I need to spend more time with Him.  I also told the Lord a few more ideas I have planned for 2009.   I couldn't help but think that the Lord was laughing at my plans.  Ultimately it's all up to Him.  But I feel 2009 will be a special year.  I gave it all to Him.  Lord Jesus do with me what Thou wilt for this coming year.

The Catholic Church celebrates Mary, the Mother of God today.  If any one can show us how to become more intimate with Jesus, it's His Mom.  It's a great way to start the New Year.  I attended the Mass in Extraordinary Form today.  It was  Latin High Mass, and so profoundly beautiful, I cannot even think of words to describe It.

Happy New Year!

I'm off for a weekend trip.  I'll get back to posting as soon as I can.