Prayer of Surrender

Hello my faithful readers.  It's been years since I posted on this blog.  I've been inspired to reawaken it, to begin again and start sharing what I discover in my contemplation...

Here is a prayer I composed after receiving absolution in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  Graces were running through me fast and furious as I knelt at the altar rail. 

O God, 

 I surrender myself to You.

I lay all my weaknesses at Your Feet.  Eliminate them.

Let me never be led by the flesh, but by Your Spirit living within me.

I embrace the designs You have had on me since You knit me in my mother's womb.

Never let me be separated from You!

Exhume my talents.  Raise them up for Your greater glory.

Let me begin again the journey I abandoned long ago.

I'm ready to start anew.

Make me the person You created me to be.

Take me through that narrow gate that leads me home. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A day that will live in infamy

August 9, 1945 at 11:02 a.m. Japanese time... "fat man" was released from a large aircraft flying over Nagasaki.  The bomb fell right on top of Urakami's Catholic Cathedral    ...dedicated to the Mother of God...

This is a significant point to make, because the parishioners had offered up their lives to end the war in Japan.  As a result of the dropping of this A-bomb, the Japanese military surrendered on August 15th, the feast of the Assumption.  I believe God accepted the offering of the parishioners, and His Holy Mother had a hand in interceding for their country.  Today, the Catholic community in Japan is a minority, but very strong. 

I've heard all the sides of the debate on the morality of such an act as this.  I know how brutal the Japanese military were to their enemies.  I know that there is much speculation on how millions more were expected to die if the Allies invaded the island.  But somehow, in the deep recesses of our consciences...how can we ever justify unleashing such a monstrous weapon on humanity?   I've only come to grips with this act after hearing of these Japanese Catholics who prayed unceasingly for an end to this terrible war.  Their offering was made in courage and trust---an offering of great love --- love for their country, their heritage, and their people.  They offered up their lives willingly in the hope of a future without war.  Their love was more powerful than any megaton bomb could ever be.

"I realize the tragic significance of the atomic bomb... It is an awful responsibility which has come to us... We thank God that it has come to us, instead of to our enemies; and we pray that He may guide us to use it in His ways and for His purposes."

—President Harry S. Truman, August 9, 1945

Happy Feast of St. Dominic!

Today is the feast day of my spiritual father, St. Dominic de Guzman.  It is a very joyous day!  Happy Feast to all my fellow "dominican souls."

An un-scientific observation about Sharks

I'm watching Shark Week videos, one after another ...not a very good thing to do, seeing that I'll be making a visit to the ocean very soon.

On one episode, they interview a scientist who had been working with sharks for 20 years ... a big know-it-all-expert ...  he was probably the only human being to get as close to sharks deliberately, in order to study them.   In all  his years of research and speaking on behalf of sharks ("they don't want to hurt humans ...they think humans are seals; fish, etc,) he forgot to respect them.  There he was, standing a mere 3 ft from shore alongside a gutsy journalist, doing an interview in the midst of roving bull sharks.  He was telling the daring reporter how "safe" sharks really are, and here was the proof.  In that instant, a bull shark nips him in the shin, taking his calf muscle totally off.  You can tell that throughout this documentary, the guy seems a bit embarrassed.... but I would say he was humiliated by that shark.  All his years of research and his understanding of sharks was just another "theory" to be accepted as "fact."  I mean, how dare we ever accuse the sharks of wanting to eat humans ...that would make them out to be ...well... wild animals who eat people!   I could never understand this overblown sentiment, that  admitting that sharks are man-hunting-man-eaters for fear of demonizing them ...so don't you dare say any such thing about them!  Yet, it seems the majority of scientists don't have much of a problem demonizing the human population:    we're the ones who are hurting the poor sharks, we're the ones encroaching on their environment, we're the ones to blame if one decides to have us as a snack... shame on the humans!

I'm not a scientist with years of research or expertise on sharks.  But after watching just a few hours of this documentary, I've come to the conclusive facts that:   Sharks hunt people.  Sharks will attack a human because the shark wants to eat the human.  The  shark didn't "think" the human was  a duck.  It didn't "think" the human was a seal, a bird, a fish.  As is evident in the film footage... the bull shark saw the man standing in the water, and decided to take a bite.  The man wasn't even moving.  Sharks like to taste and eat people.  On the food chain, if you're swimming in the ocean, watch out, because "human-being" is not on top of the food pyramid!  Case closed.  

Happy Birthday John

You are not forgotten...

...your little son is a grown man today and has children of his own... you would have loved your grandchildren... you would have been one awesome grandpa!

 You left us way too soon... sometimes I wonder how life would have been with you than without you...

Father, for the sake of Your Son's sorrowful passion, have mercy on Johnny...

....may he rest in peace...

There is a Cure for Mondays...

I'm spending my Monday here at the office listening to classic Cure!

It's on a continuous feed from YouTube...making my work day go just a little bit faster! :)

Time waits for no one

Today I was caught by a dose of reality.  My sister celebrated her birthday.  I was thinking of how fast life has been going for all of us.  

When we were children, time seemed to hold still.  It took us forever to grow up.  I remember how long the school years were, and compared to today's schedule, it was not long at all.  Our summers were also  celebrated with all the zeal of childhood!!! Such excitement to be off 3 months!!  Today, 3 months goes by like a weekend ...

So, I guess today, I was being a little nostalgic... thinking back to the birthdays of our youth.... our family was still together...  Johnny was there, Mom was there... today, they live in our hearts and our memories...

I arrived at my sister's house a little late this evening.  Office hours go beyond 8 hours, and I needed to pick up my iMac from the shoppe.  I parked on the side of her house, and walked the acreage to her front door.  I walked in, and was a little dazed after thinking about everything that's been going on in our family, all the tragedies we've faced, and how we're still here surviving every minute of the rest of our lives together.  I'm so thankful to Jesus Christ that we are all together in this area, not far from one another, because as much as my family can really really try me at times, I know I could not go on without having them so close...

After the meal and the cake and the gifts, we sat down to enjoy conversation, drink, games, etc.  I was looking through youtube, and an old song came up on my "favorites."  It was a song by a-ha, one of my favorite groups.  The song was "Take On Me," the break-out, sensational sync-pop song that made the band an international hit.  My sibs and my nephs and nieces all know that song.  But as I kept playing their other not-so-well-known-in-America songs, my family commented on how they didn't realize the band continued to make hit albums after another, beyond the attention they gave to them.  I've followed them throughout their career, and after returning from the convent, I used the internet to catch up on what I had missed.  The band celebrated 25 long years together and finally retired in 2010.  I thought about that... a band that was so young and filled with promise back in the days of my high school years, was now in their 40's and calling it quits.  Man, that's when it really hit me how old I am getting!

We went from talking about their first hit to their very very last song.  I find it haunting and beautiful, touching on all my emotions I felt throughout this day:

The band uses the butterfly to symbolize their band's career... spawning from coccoons to flittering all over the earth until they seperate at the end... These particular lyrics strike me: "Overthinking every little thing, Acknowledge the bell you cant unring...These stained glass wings could only take you so far...Stay with it through thick or thin..."

My dad wasn't feeling so well, so I left the party early to tend to him.  I walked out my sisters front door onto her deck...and watched the setting sun streaming over the landscape, almost begging the earth not to force it to sleep...its rays hitting me and the side of the house... the light reminding me of those childhood evenings when me and my sibs would play around our little house running outside or riding our bicycles all over the place...

My dad huffed and puffed his way to my car, I clamored to get into the driver's seat to get him home as quick as possible... 

...My time is not done, this little butterfly has to stay with it through thick and thin...

...a baptism

...headed to the great white north for my godson's baptism...

...and by great white north, i mean 'cos everyone up there doesn't get enough sunlight...

...details laters!

40 days...

happy birthday johnny

you are not forgotten...may u rest in peace

New Blog!

Just wanted to announce, I joined up with my best friend and created a new blog:

http://www.teamopcarm.blogspot.com

Enjoy!

summer dreams...

When I get to the office every morning I find myself day dreaming of places like this...

Do not hate your brother

Leviticus 19: 1-2, 17-18

1 And the LORD said to Moses,

2 "Say to all the congregation of the people of Israel, You shall be holy; for I the LORD your God am holy.

17 "You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason with your neighbor, lest you bear sin because of him.

18 You shall not take vengeance or bear any grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD.

Today's readings stirred up some heavy emotions in me today at Mass. I found myself weeping over a certain person I've axed out of my life. I wondered if doing such a thing has placed me in peril, and displeased God.

The way we handle relationships is not something to play around with. We think if someone gets on our nerves and annoys us to our last end, we can easily brush aside and not pay any heed to them. I'm not sure if that is what God wishes. If a person is in your life, he or she is there for a reason, and that reason is for you to love them and show them the model that is Jesus Christ.

It's tough, isn't it?

The readings and the Gospel for today's Mass reminded me of an experience I had in the convent...

Too many people look at Sisters/Nuns and stereotype them in various ways. Some picture them with rulers who rule the classroom with an iron fist (or Iron Maiden, since I was a Dominican.) Others see them as completely humourless, stiff lipped individuals who have absolutely no joy in them. These could not be more false and farther from the truth. But don't get me wrong. Many young ladies who enter the convent have various backgrounds, and have been through situations and lived lives that were less than pristine. You don't come to the convent automatically perfect. You arrive at the door a beautiful mess. The important thing is to leave the baggage at the door.

When I was entering the convent, I prayed the hardest I've ever done in my life up to that time. I was in constant prayer, up to the moment I walked up to the door of the Motherhouse. As I took those steps into the doorway, I prayed to the Holy Spirit, asking Him to give me the strength and the graces to "live the Two Greatest Commandments." In this way, I told God, "I wish to become a reflection of You in the midst of my Sisters and to the world."

When a young lady enters the Dominican convent, they are assigned a "guardian sister" who makes sure the new postulant is aware of basic convent rules, the lay of the motherhouse, where everything is, etc. Well, I was paired up with the devil, a fiery blonde who was as mean as they come! My first week was hell! I didn't do anything correctly, and she was quick to snap at me for my various infractions. My first Saturday came, and I was washing dishes in silence alongside my guardian. She kept placing the dry dishes into the "dry" sink, where they would occasionally get wet again. I kept placing them on the counter, away from the wet areas. She would put them back. This little "game" she was playing with me was wearing me down. I decided I wasn't going to take anymore and I walked away. She broke silence as she loudly whispered for me to return to my duty. But I kept walking, and I didn't look back.

In the convent, you are assigned a "cell." The word may get some strange looks, but the meaning is something like "little heaven." (I'm sure it's not that way in most jail cells, but a convent cell is a sacred place, a place for ONLY you and Jesus. No other human being is allowed in your cell, just the two of you.) Well, I walked to my cell after that incident in the kitchen, and fell on my knees at the foot of the bed. I looked up at the Crucifix hanging on the wall. "Jesus," I said, "What am I to do with her??? She's soooo hard to get along with and has made my first week in the convent miserable!" I bowed my head and started to feel sorry for myself. I was just about to get up, when I was hit with the memory of my prayer walking into the motherhouse. An inner voice spoke to me and I heard, "LOVE HER. I WANT YOU TO LOVE HER. WHO ARE YOU NOT TO LOVE HER, WHEN I DO?" So loud and clear was this voice, that I thought I had heard it with my ears! At this, I walked up to the Crucifix and I kissed the figure of Jesus tenderly, remembering that LOVE is what cost Him his life. I whispered to Him, "I'll die for love, too...please give me the strength and show me how." I looked around for a few minutes, and I noticed a little vase filled with flowers that an anonymous sister had slipped into my cell. I took the vase, and I looked at it. It was filled with daisies, my favorite. I wanted to keep it, but I decided to make this a sacrifice. I took a note from my desk, and I wrote an apology to my guardian for walking out on my duties. I told her that the she was already precious to me, because God deigned to give her to me as my guardian in religious life. I said, "for as long as we both shall live in this community, you will always be special, for you were the one God appointed to be my guardian sister to look over my first Dominican baby-steps." I then told her that she made it difficult for me, and I wasn't quite sure why. I asked her to be more patient, to remember I am new, that this entrance was difficult, and I was going through home-withdrawl. Then I walked over to her cell, and I silently slipped the note along with the vase of daisies, in through her door.

I went on to my other house duties. It was Saturday, and the morning is spent cleaning house. I mopped the novitiate hallway in silence, praying to God and meditating on his life using the Rosary. This was interrupted by a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see my guardian in tears. Apparently, she had received her little gift in the cell. She gave me a hug, and since we were in silence, whispered to me, "You are a good egg, Sister...a good egg!" And I whispered back to her, "You're my Sister-in-Christ and I'm afraid I already love you! We need to begin again!" And she nodded and slowly walked off. This monster of a woman was tamed by an act of humility and love. That was to be my weapon and I used it a lot while I was there.

True to the letter, Sr. guardian and I grew extremely close, and I would do anything for her. She needed constant prayers as she battled with her inner demons of anger and impatience. I decided to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet for her everyday. By the time I left the convent two years later, she was completely changed. She was no longer feared by the others, but she was greatly loved, sought out and appreciated. So radical was her conversion, that it brought about changes in others as well. When we said goodbye, I reminded her that she had come a long way since that first week we met, and I had as well. That one act of love had changed us both for the better. Can you imagine if I had acted in retaliation instead?

Father Bryan spoke in his homily that today's Gospel is summed up like this: "Love your enemies at all cost, it'll mess with their heads!" It is true, and if you put it into practice, you will see that Love conquers all!

Urbi et orbi: "Verbum caro factum est"

Every year on Christmas Day, the Pope shares a message and a blessing for Rome and the world. You can watch the entire proclamation here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gG00xblHVCw

“Verbum caro factum est” – “The Word became flesh” (Jn 1:14).

The Pope opened up with this verse from Holy Scripture. He reminded us that God is not far away, but very near, close to us. He emphasized that God is no stranger, but that "He has a face, the face of Jesus."

One of the most beautiful points Pope Benedict made is that God's love affair with humanity culminated in Jesus Christ. The Word was made Flesh, for one reason: LOVE. "Those who love, desire to share with the beloved, they want to be one with the beloved." When we love someone, we want to spend time with that person. We want to share our lives with that person. We never want to be apart from that person. In this yearning for mankind, God came into the world to become one of us.

The rest of the Pope's message focused on how we must use this Love of God to change situations in the world that need healing. He mentioned the Iraqi Christians, and their recent persecutions by militant islamic radicals. He mentioned the situation in China, where Catholics cannot worship in freedom. He mentioned parts of the world that have seen devastation through natural disasters and disease.

I am reminded to pray for all these, as, so often, I feel like they are distant and too far away from my own personal life, that sadly, I don't remember them. How much we could change the world with our prayers!

You may read the entire message here:

http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/messages/urbi/documents/hf_ben-xvi_mes_20101225_urbi_en.html

I hope all of you had a Merry Christmas!

Waiting

The Church is now in the season of Advent. This is traditionally a time spent "waiting" for the Baby Jesus. But the other day...it had me thinking....just exactly what is all this "waiting" for??? I mean...Jesus has been born...Jesus is alive and well, sitting at the Right Hand of His Father in Heaven...why do we Catholics go through these practices of preparing ourselves for events that have already occurred in history???

Just as I am pondering this, a good friend decides to call me up and asks me to go wassailing in New Braunfels. YES! A distraction!!! It's that time of the year! Time for cold temperatures, and frolicking about the town, drinking warm cider to our hearts delights...

We get to the small German-Texas town, and the parking is ridiculous...not one spot within a mile radius of the wassailfest. There has to be about 5,000 people converged in an area as big as half a football field...(and not even that big!) After waiting in traffic that seemed to go nowhere, I think, "The church must have some good spots!" Sure enough, Sts. Peter & Paul did not fail us! HA! I love being Catholic! We got a prime parking space, and my friend and I bounded towards the downtown area. We bought our wassailfest mugs, and immediately jumped into a LOOONG line to try out a sample of wassail.

And we waited...

And we waited...

And we waited...

...drank that sample, enjoyed it, walked to another line...

And we waited...

Of course, we enjoyed our conversation, laughed and talked it up with perfect strangers. We listened to the bands playing around us, and the choirs singing and the dancers dancing. But we sure did wait...a lot. That's when I realized, we humans spend a great deal of time...just waiting....

Looking about the crowd I saw hundreds of families enjoying the festivities. Parents of babies, older parents of teens, and grandma's and grandpas with grandchildren, great grandchildren...I found myself thinking, "There's a whole history of waiting, right there...!" When a couple decides to get married....there's usually a period of waiting and preparing for the wedding. This could be smooth sailing, but most of the time, there's blood sweat and tears involved until the happy couple finally say their "I Do's." And when that moment comes, how sweet it is! But that's not the end. No, the Mrs. will become pregnant, and then there is another period of waiting and preparing, waiting 9 whole months...preparing for the new life that is coming into the family. She will go through a great deal of changes, and pain, to bring that beautiful life into the world. But all that is forgotten when the bundle of joy arrives...very much worth the wait and all it entailed. This is repeated for however many times the Good Lord gives the family life.

I spotted many pre-teens and teenagers. All of them waiting for that big day when they graduate from their studies and move out of their parent's homes, (to their delight.) As they move out into the world on their own, they will begin new periods of waiting and preparing...

Little kiddos were running about, laughing and happy as can be, most of them fascinated by the live Nativity Scene with all its animals. Probably those little ones are just dreaming at night of Christmas Day, waiting to open presents and gifts. Their joy was contagious, and I found myself reminiscing of past Christmasses when I had my family intact. Now, it just seems as if we are in survival mode these days, waiting for that "Eternal Christmas Day," when our family will be whole again.

As I was enjoying a sausage on a stick, I almost bumped into an estranged friend. She didn't see me, but I saw her all alone in the crowd. And I immediately felt a pain in my heart. She was like a sister to me, more like family than friend. And I started thinking about how long I was going to have to wait in order to enjoy her friendship once again. And as Tom Petty once sang, "The waiting is the hardest part..."

So, now, I can better understand why the Church puts us through this "practice drill." We wait for Jesus every Advent. The "waiting" is really a lesson about life, endurance, patience...love. It is a chance for us to stop and reflect on ourselves...try and see how we really are, and make the changes we need in order to better receive Christ into our hearts. We need to be reminded of this over and over, year after year...and continue to welcome Christ...not just once in our lives, but ALWAYS. For most of that which we wait for in our lives, waiting for Jesus is the longest..., but in the end, it's all worth it.

The Power of Prayer

Tonite I went to a talk on the power of prayer given by a Jesuit priest in San Antonio. He focused mainly on the Holy Rosary and various Chaplets. He began by asking us "what are the first words God speaks in the Bible?"

The answer is, "Let there be LIGHT."

The priest used that as an anthem of sorts, a victory chant, A COMMAND...he said that each individual on this earth has a very unique and powerful gift, in that we can speak to Our God and He listens to our cries for help. He said that God has blessed us with the "power of prayer" and prayer can be our weapon against satan, as well as our hope in this world of darkness. He said that God continues to COMMAND, "LET THERE BE LIGHT!" AND WE MUST RESPOND. Each prayer lights up some dark corner of our world. Together, we, the Church Militant, can destroy the darkness, the hopelessness, the despair the world suffers from. WE can CHANGE THE WORLD FOR THE BETTER...just with PRAYER!

He went through the history of the Rosary, as well as various chaplets. The one that I found most intriguing was the one imploring the Archangel Michael's help, as well as all the choirs of angels!

Later, I will posts in full all the chaplets this good priest shared with our community tonite.

In the meantime, I am going to use my time in prayer, and I won't be on as much as I have been in the past. PLEASE POST ANY PRAYER PETITIONS YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO PRAY FOR. If any are of sensitive subjects, you may private message me, and I will keep all matters confidential...

Tonite was a blessing. I was only invited to this event last nite...I had no idea of this...I know now that Our Lady was calling me to come, and as always, She leads us to Her Divine Son. I have been feeling very low these few weeks, because two of my favorite people are in danger of falling into sin with one another. I have been crying out to Our Lord for quick assistance in this matter, begging Our Lady for her powerful intercession. Tonite, I realize that we have many "weapons" and armor. We are called to pray for one another. I HAVE FAITH...I BELIEVE THAT OUR LORD WILL HEAR MY CRIES FOR HELP. Our prayers are powerful!! And together, we can change men's hearts and save souls!!!

BELIEVE!!!

God bless!

Remembering 9/11

I had not even been in the convent for one month. My postulant class had to go to campus that morning, I didn't. So, I took advantage of my "free" time to do extra duties around the Motherhouse and to go to adoration with the Novices. When adoration was over, I was met in the stairwell by Sr. Mary. She whispered something to me, which was odd, because we were in silence...I had to listen harder...she whispered a little louder..."I said, we are under attack, Sister!" And I wasn't sure what she meant, but I saw the terror in her face...and I knew something terrible was happening to our beloved country. She then directed me upstairs to the Novitiate community room, and there I saw some of the Novices who had just left the chapel, and the Superiors with their eyes glued to the tv sets, and some were crying...

The Mother General wouldn't have known this was happening had it not been for the retired Sisters in the infirmary. They had called down a few minutes after the attacks occurred, because they couldn't find "The Price is Right" and instead, as one little old sister put it, "The same thing is playing on all the channels..." As soon as Mother became aware of what was happening, she had the television sets in the community rooms turned on so all Sisters could watch...

When my postulant class came home, we all went back into the chapel for a special call to prayer. I remember feeling very numb, and thinking that it was somewhat providential that this would be happening just weeks after entering the convent. I remember my conversation with the Lord...and after praying for the souls of those who were dead and dying, their families, and for my own (because we didn't know if the acts of terror would continue...and where next?) I prayed for the nation and the world and Holy Mother Church...I was determined to be a reflection of Jesus Christ in this world, knowing that the darkness that held the world in captivity could only be conquered by the Love of God...it all begins with us, individually...and collectively as the Body of Christ on earth...if we Catholics do not live up to our faith as we should...the world can very well... be lost...

that was 9 years ago...and I feel like I have done nothing to contribute to making this world a holier place...it's an ongoing struggle...and everytime this anniversary comes around...I renew my determination to make it a better year for all those in my life, my family, my coworkers, my parish...and to all those God deems to enter into my path, whether they be Muslim, or Jew, or Protestant, or Atheist...

...and I thank God, I know it's not too late...

Christ is Risen, Alleluia!

Today, we rejoice in the Lord Jesus Christ, who prevailed over tribulation and rose to life in order to conquer death!

"Let all men know that grace comes after tribulation."

The above quote comes from St. Rose of Lima, O.P. The Lord Jesus appeared to her and told her that suffering is essential, in order to rise to greater heights of grace.

How often do we see in nature, the devastation that is left after turbulent storms? And yet, the earth is left somehow renewed, re-quenched, refurbished...like new?

For us humans, we have two choices. We can either allow the storms in our lives to make us stronger...or destroy us...

Let us contemplate on the Mystery of the Resurrection today. Let us recognize that the sufferings Christ endured were temporary. He triumphed over death! He has risen! We will follow in Our Master's footsteps! Let us endure our sufferings for they will lead us to everlasting life...!

My losses are not lost

I've been pretty depressed since the year began, and since my best friend axed me out of her life...

I don't have many friends. I do on paper, but not in real life. I am pretty much a loner, and I don't allow myself to get close to anyone. I've been speaking to a couple of guys, wondering if I should be romantically involved...perhaps date again...but none of them seem to stand out to me. There is only one Guy that I am interested in...and that Guy is Jesus Christ.

Romance is one thing, but friendship is different. Even God says so. All throughout the Bible, there are references on how important friendship is. God calls it a "treasure." Even Jesus had a best friend in St. John, His beloved apostle. For me, friendship comes from the heart. I tend to love my friends very deeply, incorporating them into every aspect of my life. It's only once in a while, a friend comes along that has such an effect on me, that I feel I can not deal with my own life without that person's support. I find myself surviving...despite the agony of loss...

I am not sure sometimes whether I am going forward, backward, up or down. Sometimes I see my whole life flash before my eyes, and it's nothing exciting...and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere...

A few days ago, I left work feeling overwhelmed with the stress of my job. I find it to be never-ending and never-satisfying. I drove to the Catholic Student Center on campus, parked in the handicapped parking, and fumbled out of my car. I limped my way into the Chapel, and to my suprise...there were four figures all in white kneeling in the front pews of the Chapel...

...my Dominican Sisters were here praying! They were praying the Divine Office, also known as the Liturgy of the Hours. This ancient prayer has been prayed for thousands of years, and is so universally shared, that those who pray it on this hemisphere are sharing in the same exact prayers being prayed on the other side of the world. It's a truly Catholic prayer, with it's chants and rhythms and structure. Heavenly in every sense...

Shortly after the hours, the Sisters began praying the Holy Rosary, meditating on the Sorrowful Mysteries...the Passion and suffering and death of Our Lord. My heart, meditating on the great Love Our Savior has for me, was filled with peace and joy...and I haven't felt this way in a long time...

I began speaking to God about how this was very reminiscent of my time with these beautiful Sisters in the convent. I used to pray the Divine office with them, and pray the Holy Rosary. So, it was a blessing to be able to partake in these with them again. Who would have ever told me I would be doing this again with them? Here, in my hometown? God is good!

I asked God, "Why can't I return to them? I loved that life. Why can't I have my friend back? I just keep losing people, God! I have lost them forever."

Mass began, and I lifted up my heavy heart to the Lord...

The Gospel was about the Last Supper, how Jesus knew his betrayer. I wondered, how Jesus felt about Judas? Here was a guy who had spent two years following our Lord, listening to His words, eating with Him, drinking with Him, sharing the jokes, the bad times, the struggles and the victories. Here was a FRIEND, in the true sense of the word, ready to betray Him now...

...I can relate...and I felt a sharp pain in my heart...I have spent agonizing months, feeling abandoned and alone...and scared for my life...

Jesus was feeling all these things, I am sure...for as He was totally Divine, He was also totally human...and in His humanity, I am certain, His agony came at the loss of His friends...

But how did Jesus respond? Was He bitter at Judas? During the Last Supper, Jesus also revealed that Peter was going to deny Him three times. Was Jesus bitter when Peter kept insisting that he would never deny Him?

When Judas betrayed Jesus, he kissed Him on the cheek. Our Lord responded, "You betray your FRIEND with a kiss?" Our Lord never shut the door of friendship to Judas, despite his betrayal. It was Judas who made a very sad choice, in despairing and not relying on Our Lord's friendship. Judas felt he could never be forgiven. And so, in his rejection of the mercy of Jesus, he went off and hung himself.

Peter denied our Lord three times. The Bible states, that a cock crowed, reminding Peter that Our Lord had prophesied that Peter would abandon Him and deny he even knew Who He was! Peter wept bitterly, and ran out into the night. It was after the Resurrection that Our Lord came to Peter and asked him three times, "Peter do you love me?" Our Lord asked him three times in order to "erase" Peter's three denials. He gave Peter a chance...

What is my response to my best friend's total rejection? Have I been bitter? Have I lost sight of the mercy of God? Have I responded with the same love that Jesus showed?

What is my response to Our Lord, in His will for my life?

Father Eilers' homily focused on how weak we Christians can be, and how often we fail Jesus. But, there is always hope...in that we can rise up out of our sinfulness, and reach out to Jesus, knowing full well, that OUR LORD WILL NEVER LEAVE US alone...

...we can be absolutely confident that Our Lord Jesus will never refuse us, never reject us, never hold our failures against us if we choose His Salvation, His Friendship...

At that moment, I felt God telling me that my losses are not lost. I felt Him reminding me, that these Sisters are here...for me! That He brought them here to be closer to me...! I felt God reminding me that He holds everyone in the Palm of His Hand, so I shouldn't be missing my best friend. When I come before the Presence of our God, these people become present to me in a supernatural way...through Our Lord in the Holy Eucharist... I may not have them in my life...but I have them in God. What I feel I have lost...is not lost after all.

Fr. Eilers told us that we should just strive to please Jesus every day of our lives. We should live one day at a time, living righteously in God, living the best we can live. In choosing God every single day, we step closer to Paradise. We had to make the right decisions every day, not to sin, not to fall, not to hurt Our Lord, but be confident that even when we do, we can always come back.

...It was then that I felt God reminding me, that what I cannot have in this world, I will have in the next. I cannot be with my Dominicans here on earth, but I will see them in Paradise. I cannot possess the friendship I once treasured, but I will in the next.

Today is Good Friday. Looking at the Crucifixion, I recognize how Jesus lost everything in this world...He was abandoned...rejected....unloved....yet...His losses were our gain...

Losses are not lost when you live your life in light of Eternity...

New Year's Resolution 2010

“Therefore, stay awake, for you know neither the day nor the hour.”Mt. 25:30

Okay, you may find it odd that I'm already blogging about New Year's and we have Christmas just days away! But I have this on my mind, and I thought I would share it with you.

Well, in a few weeks time, we will be saying goodbye to the first decade of the Millenium and enter into the second. (Maybe not technically, but that's the way I see it!)

This New Year’s has me thinking about my own mortality. (And no, it isn't because of all that ridiculous hype about 2012!) Call me morbid, but Bobby and I used to tell each other back in the days of our youth that we couldn’t possibly live past our 30’s….and here I am on the verge of becoming 39! I can’t believe I’ve lasted this long…LORD, after all I’ve been through…who would’ve told me my heart could take it all and still survive? But I know it’s ‘cos You are keeping me alive…for today…and I won’t think about tomorrow…that’s what I’m supposed to do, right?

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last

I think You want me to be joyful…so…I’ve decided my one resolution is to be joyful for love of You…keep things positive…no matter what happens…I’m gonna be happy…this will be a tough resolution to keep, ‘cos You know me, Jesus. You know how I am…this will be an offering of great proportion…and only You can measure it…

…I don’t know how much longer You will keep me here, I mean, who does know? But there’s something that I want before I go…I want to be able to look back on my life and say that I really, really loved…not just with mere words or on the surface…but to really love as I should have loved…

I don’t want to look back on my life and regret not doing all I could have possibly done…I just don’t want to live the rest of my days going through the motions…

And Lord, give me courage, because …the reality is…I’m often afraid of the many things you know about! All of those things scare me to death! And I feel like I’m falling apart sometimes…and I don’t want to go through that again…

Yet, the very grace I ask for is the very thing that brings me so much pain…

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me

I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

I don’t know…Jesus…sometimes I feel that no one else can possibly fathom what I’ve been through, and all that I’ve seen…all that You have given me, I ponder in my heart…but to share it is not possible…and I feel so alone sometimes…

…when things get like that, Lord, come to my assistance! Make haste to help me! It is in that time that the temptations come…and oh…how I need YOU!

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

I just want my life to mean something…I just want my life to be for You…for Your Glory…and for however long You want me here…Lord, I’m Yours…

lyrics to "Savior Please" by Josh Wilson